Funny quotes about life - “Hard work never killed anyone but why take a chance?" - Edgar Bergen
Funny quotes to live by - A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
"Own kin are the worst friends, " said the fox, when he saw the foxy dogs after him
“Age does not protect you from love but love to some extent protects you from age.
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
Funny quotes about life - Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
"The word of a friend makes you cry; the word of an enemy makes you laugh. " — English Proverb
When a couple decide to divorce, they should inform both sets of parents before having a party and telling all their friends. This is not only courteous but practical. Parents may be very willing to pitch in with comments, criticism and malicious gossip of their own to help the divorce along- P. J. O'Rourke
Funny quotes to live by - “We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love. ” Tom Robbins
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
‘The boy’s best friend is his mother, until he becomes himself his sweetheart’s best friend’ — Irish Proverb
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
I am short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late.
We need an energy bill that encourages consumption.
Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
Funny quotes to live by - “Love doesn’t make the world go ’round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. ”