As a young girl, I developed a dim view of marriage.
Most of my friends’ mothers tiptoed around their fathers. When I was nine years old, my friend Karen's aunt actually sat us down and gave us tips on how to get a man and keep him happy (it didn't escape my notice that she made dinner, mopped the floor, and changed diapers while her prince slept on the couch. I never even made eye contact with the man; he remained comatose for the length of our acquaintance).
As I got older, magazines offered advice on how to get a man to commit and how to decipher his feelings (expecting the guy to express them would be out of question).
I got the message: To be a success in life, I needed a man. That they were a lot of work was the price I had to pay for being a woman.
Like most little girls, I was sold from birth on the wedding fairy tale: the giant ring, the dress, the honeymoon in the sun. But, while the wedding looked like fun, life beyond it looked like the job from hell.
So it's no surprise that when I got into my 20s I attracted the wrong men. They all feared commitment or had some sort of emotional entanglement that prevented them from starting a real relationship with me.
After many years and much soul searching, I discovered that the men weren't the problem. I was the problem. I attracted men who could not commit because I didn't want to commit. Deep down I believed marriage would bore me at best, kill me at worst.
But, still, a small part of me did want to get married and wanted to believe that lifelong happy relationships were indeed possible. I determined what I wanted in a relationship, what would make me feel secure, at peace, and bring me joy. I wrote down a list of the qualities my perfect husband would offer.
Since I had a history of dating men who disappointed me (liars, cheaters, guys who just stopped calling or showing up), I knew what I qualities I didn't want. I wanted somebody loyal, loving, reliable, successful, and fun (most married people are bored out of their minds, so ‘fun’ was key for me).
I wrote an affirmation: “I am happily married to a loyal, loving, reliable, successful, fun man" and wrote it 25 times a day with feeling (putting on a CD that really got me going facilitated the process).
Within a couple of weeks, I felt a shift inside myself. I believed that I could marry a man who'd make me happy. I believed I could be myself without worrying about him cheating on me, abandoning me, or smothering me to death.
Within several months I attracted the man I married. Fifteen years later, we are still in love and having fun. Yesterday, May 2, we celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary.
You can attract and marry the man of your dreams, too:
1) Determine what you don't want
2) Determine what you do want
3) Manifest it by focusing on it and by writing an affirmation about it
5) Say it out loud while you're in the shower or some other private place (no need to blurt it out in the company break room)
4) Keep it up for at least 30 days. Be consistent
5) Notice the changes within yourself
6) Notice the changes in the men you attract.
It worked for me, and it will work for you. Go for it.
Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of “How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams. " Visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com Check out her blog at http://happygirlmusing.blogspot.com