Getting the Guy: Self-Esteem Trumps Pretty

Terry Hernon MacDonald

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Part of the reason we have difficulty attracting men who make us happy is because we believe that such men don't really exist. We believe that to attract a man we have to be the prettiest girl in the room, have the biggest breasts on the block, the tightest abs, and so on. We must stay on our toes to makes sure somebody prettier, smarter, or whatever doesn't sneak up and snatch our man. It never ends.

And then, as we're minding our own business on the supermarket check-out line, we glimpse a headline on a magazine cover: “Jessica's Hotter Than Ever! How Can Nick Leave Her Now?" The subtext is, if a fox like Jessica Simpson can't hold on to a man, what chance do the rest of us have?

Even if your tastes in literature run to feminist authors like Susan Faludi and Noami Wolf over, say, periodicals like In Touch and The Star, you're probably influenced by the negative messages we're fed by the media. I know I was.

And the bad vibes don't only come from magazines and TV shows. Listen, for instance, to the lyrics in your favorite songs. So many of of my favorite female artists sing of being suicidal over the loss of a guy. A lot of my favorite male artists sing about hurting women, hating women, or running through them like pints of beer.

It's one thing to enjoy popular music, but be aware of the whacked-out ideas it can weld into your brain if you're not paying attention: 1) You're nothing without a guy, and 2) You're a disposable object that can be easily replaced.

The next time you leave the house know this: You are one of a kind and irreplaceable. There is only one you. You don't need a guy, but if you're going to have one, he must love you for you (not your body parts, your money, or your clothes). He must add value to your life.

Once you love yourself, really and truly love yourself (because of who you are inside, as opposed to the fact that you just forked over $450 to have your teeth whitened), you will attract better men.

Good men definitely exist. But they want to be with a woman who values and esteems herself. (Self-love trumps pretty every time!) Once you become that woman, you will magically find yourself enjoying a happy, angst-free relationship with a guy who's in it for the long term.

Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of “How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams. " Sign up for free dating tips at . Check out her blog at


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