Are you ready?

Brooke Brimm

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I often hear women say that they are in need of, praying for, or looking for a man. I see these same women get a man, but somehow things just do not work the way the want. As a result, the search begins once again. Some women may draw the conclusion that men are worthless, and that there is a chance they may never find one. I think it is more a matter of readiness, clarity of purpose, and timing.

If you are one of these women who is in search of a man, have you ever asked yourself why you want him? Do you need a male role model for your child? Do you want to have sex on a regular basis without feeling unsafe? Do you want someone to help pay the bills you have made? Do you want a boyfriend, so your friends will envy you? Do you want to go places and do things you’ve never done? Do you need someone to talk and laugh with? Are you looking for a life partner?

It is important to know what you want and what you are ready for. You may want a man for casual reasons, but he may need a partner. He may have deep issues he is dealing which would require a strong understanding woman by his side, and all you really want is to go on dates, have regular sex, and exchange gifts on holidays. Or vice versa. In a situation like that, no one is wrong when things start falling apart. It is more an issue of being clear about what you both want and need.

Spend some time contemplating what you want from a man. Think about the consequences of what you want. For instance, if you want a husband—consider this. Genesis 3:16 says in practically every bible version after it talks about pain during childbirth “…your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you. ” In my experience as a married woman of nearly 13 years and as an observer of women in marriages for many years, I have never seen an instance where the husband did not rule in some form or fashion. Sometimes aggressively, sometimes passively, many times lovingly, but one thing I know is that women defer to the power of men in marriages. Equal partnerships are non-existent. I am saying this because I want you to be clear about what being a wife means. It can be a great thing if you know what you are getting into. It can also be a tough situation if you are not clear about what it is.

Once you have spent a good amount of time thinking about what you want and gaining clarity. Begin praying for a person who wants what you want. When you meet someone you think you are interested in, find out what they want. Be honest about what you desire. If your desires are not aligned, decide if you should continue. Be careful not to hurt the other person by being dishonest. Throughout the course of the relationship check in to make sure you both still want the same things. If it changes, then return to your contemplative state and emerge with a new direction. Whatever turn the relationship takes, you will both be at peace with the decision because you have maintained a level of honesty and awareness.

Brooke Brimm has a Master's degree in Professional Counseling and 8 years of experience in the field of Human Science. She has been married since 1993 and has two beautiful daughters. Ms. Brimm authors an ezine, Loves Gumbo, in which she discusses love, relationships, and friendships in today's society. To join email:


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