Five Steps to Conquer Your Past Failures - FamilyVision Column


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You can’t win at anything. You share a house with absolute failures-father, mother, brother, sister, and even the family dog. You feel that God is punishing you. You believe in nothing but bad luck. And then…there’s your best friend Linda. She has everything-fame, fortune, and love. Each day you grow to hate her more. Linda’s achievements make you feel empty inside. You are unhappy. You wonder why. . .

The Failure Factor

Failure can cause many people to lose focus on their dreams. Why can’t you be successful in life? Does God set some sort of success quota? Some people give up just when success is right around the corner. Society classifies a person as a loser by his or her financial success. According to Yankelovich Monitor, 80 percent of people identify success and accomplishment with being in control of life. Napoleon Hill, the late change agent, understood what it meant to be a failure. He analyzed several thousand men and women (98 percent of this group was classified as “losers”). In Hill’s book, Think and Grow Rich, he writes, “There are millions of people who believe themselves ‘doomed’ to poverty and failure, because of some strange force over which they believe they have no control. They are the creators of their own ‘misfortunes, ’ because of this negative belief, which is picked up by the subconscious mind, and translated into its physical equivalent. ” Who are you going to blame now for your failures? Your parents? Your environment?

The Control Factor

Take control of your life. The Law of Control says you feel good about yourself to the degree you are in control of your own life. Your level of satisfaction and happiness is directly related to how much you feel yourself in control. Successful people make it a habit to concentrate their energies on things that they control while victims concentrate on their lack of power. When a person feels he is powerless, it causes him to be fearful. Doubt and worry contribute to these feelings. Fear exists in the absence of control. Brian Tracy, author of Advanced Selling Strategies, concludes “The key to a healthy mental attitude is a sense of control, a sense that you are the primary creative force in your life. It is a feeling that you are in control of what you do and everything that happens to you. ” Too many people focus on things beyond their control. Steve Covey, author of First Things First, analyzes this situation as a contrast between a Circle of Influence and the Circle of Concern. The Circle of Concern focuses on things, which are beyond your control (such as the weather or your boss’ opinion of you), while the Circle of Influence relates to what you control. What can you really control? You can control your attitude. You can control how you deal with a situation. Many so-called losers spend more time complaining about the things they can’t control. Don’t let that be you. Here are some suggestions:

  1. Develop a clear sense of purpose. When you believe your life has meaning, you create a positive wall around yourself.
  2. Practice speaking positive words (affirmations) about yourself. Believe you are worthy of success.
  3. Learn from prior mistakes. Don’t spin in circles.
  4. Analyze successful people’s mistakes. You are not alone. Look at successful people and learn how they cope with failure.
  5. Surround yourself with winners. Find people with positive attitudes.

The Winning Factor

Learn to deal with the negative consequences of failure. So who hasn’t failed? Abraham Lincoln? Albert Einstein? Malcolm X? Michael Jordan? Bill Gates? Everyone has had some failures in his or her life. Successful people rebound from failure. The key is what you learn from your mistakes and your desire to bounce back from a bad situation. For example, Thomas Edison, a great inventor, said about his failure, “I hadn’t failed, I’ve found 10,000 ways that don’t work. ” Don’t become a victim of your own self-doubt. Dust yourself off. No one is destined for failure. You don’t have “Loser” stamped on your forehead. Take action and start on your new journey. Start today!

Daryl and Estraletta Green provide personal advice all around the country. Daryl is the author of two books, Awakening the Talents Within and My Cup Runneth Over. They have been noted and quoted in such media organizations such as USA Today, NBC’s Alive at Five, Heaven 600, Answerline, American Urban Radio, The Bev Smith Show, The Hallerin Hill Show, Ebony Magazine, and BET’s Buy the Book. The Green’s nationally syndicated column, FamilyVision, reached 200 newspapers and over 12 million readers. For a free list of the Green’s Top Ten Life, Changing Books, you can email at their website,


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