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What You Focus on Expands!

Kelly Wallace

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Very few of us have a high level of self-esteem every moment of every day. Many people have a good balance, with some high and low days in between, although it's more common to find people who have consistently low levels of self-esteem. This can be due to influences in both our past lives and our current life. Perhaps one or both of your parents or other adult put you down.

Maybe you suffered ridicule in school. The list is endless as to how our self-esteem can be beaten and battered until we find ourselves in negative relationships, dead-end jobs, and feel that nothing seems to go our way.

My goal throughout my career has been to show people how to align their spiritual self and physical self so they can enjoy a successful, happy, healthy, and financially stress-free life.

What does this have to do with self-esteem? Everything! You are not simply living one lifetime, you're the sum total of every past life you've lived, as well as time spent on the Other Side in spirit form. Your soul is incredibly wise and confident. All of that information, all of those incredible feelings, are in your soul. The problem is the vast majority of us live so out of sync with our soul that we often feel like we're merely being tossed around in the sea of life with no direction or control.

Following, you'll find steps you can take to build your self-esteem to a new level. Developing positive self-esteem is just one of the many steps you can take to living a kick-ass life.

Make a list of your top 1-5 problems. I always feel that writing things down can help get your feelings out in the open and right there for your eyes to see. Seeing things written down adds concreteness to your thoughts and goals.

Write down the problems you feel are holding you back the most or affecting you. Maybe you're overweight, maybe you're shy, maybe you have an anger problem, and whatever you would like to change about yourself, write it down. Keep the list short and logical. You don't want to put things down such as, “I wish I had blue eyes or curly hair. " Let's stick to things that really matter in life and are keeping you from realizing your goals.

After you've made your list, look it over. As you read the words you may feel embarrassed, disgusted, depressed, or angry. Keep in mind though that your problems are not who you are, they are simply tools you've been using to protect yourself. Although extra weight, money problems, or dead-end jobs and relationships may not seem like self-protection, they actually are! How can this be? Think about it for a moment. If you have low self-esteem then you subconsciously feel you don't deserve good things in life. You don't deserve a healthy body, overflowing bank account, or the soul mate of your dreams. By consistently making choices that coincide with your low self-esteem, you're protecting yourself from further pain and heartache. It's easier to stay in a bad relationship and to keep holding on to those extra pounds than it is to completely change around your way of thinking and living. Simply put, you've grown used to negativity. But the good news is, you can grow out of it!

The problems you have written now are simply hiding your true essence. Underneath everything you view as bad, is the direct opposite inside. Everything exists in balance-even if it seems completely out of balance. You can't be miserable, without joy living inside of you. You can't be a spendthrift without a financial genius existing inside. Sound ridiculous? Maybe so, but if you think over your life, you'll find that you had many moments of incredible joy, of vibrant health, and solid plans for financial success. They still exist inside of you, but your success muscles are weak and flabby. It's my goal to help you strengthen them to the likes of Mr. Olympus!

Every time a negative thought or action pops up, counter it with an equally powerful positive thought or action. You've become accustomed to negative thinking as a way to protect yourself, but by having faith and knowing that you become what you think about all day, in time you'll become used to living in higher self-esteem.

Who are you? This exercise can be incredibly fun or downright frustrating, depending on what you come up with. Maybe you can only think of a couple of things such as, “I'm a wife and mother. " Or, “I work at a bank and drive an old VW. " Maybe you'll come up with a whole list of things. Chances are, if your self-esteem is low, the list will either be short or contain mostly negative things you've labeled yourself as like, “I'm lazy. I'm fat. I'm lonely. " Is this truly who you are? No! These are simply thoughts, feelings, and/or actions you choose to focus on.

I want you to focus on every good quality you possess, no matter how small. A woman I counseled told me she made dynamite homemade macaroni and cheese. One man I know is a dog lover. A teenage girl who felt she didn't have anything of value to offer crocheted scarves. And, a single mother of two who was over-stressed and over-worked had a way of listening to others that made her and instant counselor to everyone she knew, even if she didn't utter a word! Later on in this course I'll show you how to branch out with these positive qualities to become a magnet for success or even bring in some extra cash.

Let go of things you can't control. And on the flip side, do something about the things you can control. Too often we waste time worrying and worrying about things we have no control over, and put no action forth if we can. Each time a thought comes to mind and you have no way to control the outcome or current situation-such as the type of mood your mate will be in when he/she gets home from work-decide to let things go and focus on things that can move you forward or add happiness to your life.

Accept responsibility. This is a biggie! You can't raise your confidence or self-esteem if you don't accept responsibility for your life. Nobody can make you happy, or angry, or sad, or depressed. These are products of our own thinking and our knee-jerk reactions. Whether you were born into a dysfunctional family, have faced bankruptcy, are living with high blood pressure, or are lonely and long for love, you are not destined for constant failure. By accepting responsibility for your thoughts and actions, and by realizing that your current living situation is due to choices you've made-or haven't made-you can begin to take control of your life and lead it in a new and powerful direction.

Taking responsibility requires a whole lot of courage. It's far easier to remain a victim and blame your problems in life, or lack of a life, on other people or events. This is the easy way out though. While pointing fingers at others, you really need to point them right back at yourself. Choose to walk away from the long parade of victims and become responsible for your own happiness. Creating a life filled with love and success may be hard work, but it's incredibly exhilarating! Raise your self-esteem to new heights by taking responsibility and start pursuing some of your dreams. Every time you accomplish something you can feel proud knowing you've done something positive for yourself instead of idly sitting around moping about everyone who's done you wrong and how awful your life is.

Following these steps may not be easy, but they're absolutely necessary to building self-esteem and changing your life around.

Kelly Wallace is a certified counselor, multi-published author, teacher, speaker, and radio show host. She's also self-proclaimed workaholic, single mother of five daughters, and a professional psychic who reads for over one thousand clients per year. You can visit her at:


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