You’re intelligent. Attractive. And fully capable of holding your own. You’ve got an MBA, your own home in the suburbs or you’re renting a great apartment with a fabulous view. You’ve got a 401K plan, a nice size savings. You’ve even taken yourself on vacation for the past couple of years. And you did it all on your own. Many would say you’ve got it going on big time. You say, you are just doing you. There’s only one problem: For the past five years you’ve been sitting home alone and you’d really like to meet someone nice who has the potential to be your Mr. Right.
But you’ve got your requirements. You wont even think about dating a man unless he has a college degree, works a white collard job making close to six figures, drives a nice car, moves comfortably in the most influential social circles, dresses well, has a perfect command of the English language, is not too nerdy but not to thugged-out either, is taller than you by at least four inches, doesn’t talk too loud, watch too much TV or have any other bad habits that get on your nerves. And preferably, no kids. That’s a tall order. And the older we get, the harder that order becomes to fill. Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with having standards. Just make sure that your standards are not so rigorous and inflexible that they’re keeping you alone.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting a man who’s got it going on externally. But you also want to make sure that he has the character and decency to back it up. Is he kind, thoughtful, honest, caring, hardworking and family oriented? How does he treat your children? Does he value and respect you? Maybe he drives a Honda instead of a BMW or he works with his hands instead of giving orders from an office. Maybe he doesn’t have a college degree but he’s intelligent, articulate and socially conscious. Just maybe he doesn’t have all of the external features that you’re looking for but he’s a great guy who works hard, brings home a check, has integrity, is a good conversationalist and thinks the world of you and your children. Would you be willing to pass him up in favor of a guy who had it going on externally but treated you like crap, was dismissive towards your children and acted like he was doing you a favor by showing you a little interest.
See it’s not about lowering your standards. It’s about re-examining your priorities so that you look deeper than a man’s education and pockets. Sometimes you’ve got to sit down with yourself to figure out what’s really important to you in a mate, especially when you think long term. Life is too short to allow rigorous standards to keep you alone.
This article is excerpted from Cassandra Mack's book, “The Single Mom's Little Book of Wisdom: 42 Tidbits of Wisdom To Help You Survive, Succeed and Stay Strong. "
Cassandra Mack is CEO of Strategies for Empowered Living Inc. , producer and host of The No More Drama Hour of Power online talk radio show and the author of six books. To contact Cassandra go to: http://www.strategiesforempoweredliving.com