Sounds a little shallow doesn't it . . . ‘instant self esteem’.
As if somehow we have managed to package up a ‘magic pill’ that will simply do all the work for us.
And yet both you and I do exactly that, daily, and without missing a beat. In fact, we take it completely for granted!
Such is the power of the unconscious mind and our own ‘programming’.
"‘Programming'?", I hear you say? “I would never allow myself to be programmed. That brainwashing stuff is for cult leaders and the secret service. " I guess it is certainly a truism that when a powerful influence technique is discovered, it only takes a short while before it can fall into the wrong hands.
But what if you did have a magic button, which when you pressed it, fired up your ‘self confidence software’ instantly and got you ready for action? And what if you were able to replicate this at will? That would be useful wouldn't it! And it really is such a simple skill already used by . . .
- Top performing athletes to access a winning mindset
- Top entertainers before a performance
- Actors to get into role
- Coaches all over the world to turn around a team that is having a tough match
So hang onto your hats, because I will teach it to you right now, for free, and it comes with a lifetime guarantee. Just promise me you will use it for good and not for evil OK?
Firstly let's take a look at how our pre-existing conditioning works. The ‘stimulus-response’.
- When you are driving and you see a red light what do you do? (No . . . that's naughty and you know it)
- When you come home from work or college, do you change your clothes? If so, how do you feel afterward?
- When you get up in the morning, do you have a shower? And how do you feel after that?
- What do you do when you hear your favorite song on the radio?
- How does fresh bread baking smell?
- If you hear your name spoken across the other side of the room, what do you do?
- We stop at red lights because we have learned this is what you do.
- We change our clothes on coming home from work because somehow it feels good and denotes the end of the working day.
- If you are someone who showers in the morning (this is my personal example!), afterward it feels as if you are ‘ready to start the day’.
- When you hear your favorite song on the radio, do you turn it up, start dancing or start singing? Or all 3!
- Doesn't fresh bread baking somehow make you feel nice and draw you to it?
- And when you hear your name being spoken, do you look over to see where and who it came from? (And if it really was you they were talking about!)
But most of this has happened by accident right?
It was all learned behavior.
We just didn't necessarily consciously decide to learn it.
And there lies the secret to unlocking your inner power. Once you learn to take control of your own stimulus response conditioning you'll be absolutely amazed at just how powerful it is. And I can think of no more powerful examples than that of The Government and The Advertising Industry.
They both know exactly how to harness the power of stimulus response. For example:
- "Just Say No"
- "Just Do It"
“Enough already!", you say, “How can I use this to get Instant Self Esteem? Tell me right now!!"
Oh OK then!
How to use this to get Instant Self Esteem
Let's first learn some very important terms. You'll need these to help you set up the whole process . . . but don't be concerned, it's really easy!
Initial StimulusInitial Stimulus
This is a specific element of the negative state (or low self esteem/self confidence feeling you have). It is NOT NECESSARILY a complete description of what you want to change . . . just a highly identifiable and unique part of it.
I have to give a project-status presentation to my boss tomorrow and I have just found out about it today. I am experiencing an increase in my heart rate, some nervous muscular jitters, my jaw starts to clench with worry.
In my mind I see myself in front of her missing all my relevant points, messing up my carefully prepared bullet points and with the wrong clothes on for the task.
I can hear myself saying to myself, "Oh heck! That's not enough time, I mean I needed more notice, I'll have to stay late tonight to even be ready, that sucks, my wife will kill me ‘cos it's our anniversary, what do I know about this project anyway, she'll just chew me out . . . " and on and on and on it goes.
Feeling good? . . . Not.
So in this example we'll use the ‘clenched jaw’ as a very specific Initial Stimulus. I'll come back to that later.
This is a very specific and 100% unique trigger that you can use just like you would select a specific program on your computer, or wear a very specific item of clothing that helps you feel good.
Some examples? Sure . . .
- Pinching your left top earlobe with your thumb and index finger.
- Thinking of the word MYPOWERUP.
- Hearing the sound of large church bells playing happy birthday.
- Seeing (or imagining in your mind's eye) a large pile of $100 bills on your desk.
This is your highly desired state to be in. Feeling good about yourself, confident and happy. (Yes, yes, I know it doesn't seem real and that you think that the problem is that you don't feel good about yourself or confident or happy, but that's the point! Stay with me on this. )
Now how do you really want to feel? Mediocre, on top of the world, or higher? Good. Then let's practice that first.
First let's list as many of the times that you have felt really good. They may have been . . .
- Receiving praise
- The birth of a child
- Moving to a new house
- Winning a new job/promotion/raise
- Passing/finishing an exam
- Finishing cleaning the house
- Enjoying a great movie/book
- Hearing or dancing to your favorite song
- Falling in love
- Going on holiday somewhere special
OK now make sure no-one is looking and that you have 10 minutes to yourself.
Let's have a party in your mind! Imagine you are experiencing RIGHT NOW all of the remembered events.
You are now feeling the most happy, confident, zesty, delighted, strong, assured, capable, that you have EVER felt.
But don't stop there.
Now ‘turn it up’.
Can you AMPLIFY this feeling until it becomes the most over- the-top ridiculous ‘on top of the world sensation'? (Yes it is fake, it doesn't matter . . . you'll see!)
NOW SIMULTANEOUSLY ACTIVATE YOUR TRIGGER STIMULUS
WHILST HAVING THIS PARTY!
Now do this again another 3 times. (The first is just for practice). The trick is to ‘do’ your unique Trigger Stimulus right at the time you are peaking out on the ‘remembered happiness state’.
OK, now let's test this first part.
Activate your unique Trigger Stimulus NOW.
You should immediately experience the happiness state starting to come flooding back AUTOMATICALLY.
Now say to yourself in a robotic voice, “I am now programmed for success. "
Good. Now we need to link it to your Initial Stimulus.
Let's say that every time I feel somewhat un-confident or unworthy, I get that feeling of ‘clenching my jaw tight’ . . . my specific and unique Initial Stimulus.
Now recreate that NOW. (This should be the easy part because you've ‘practiced’ this one even before reading this!!)
NOW ACTIVATE YOUR TRIGGER STIMULUS.
Repeat these steps another 3 times (very important).
Now you are ready.
The next time you feel a little lacking in confidence - or you experience that ‘jaw clench’ type Initial Stimulus, you will do one of two things:
- You will automatically go straight to your desired success Response State, WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT IT. (Well done!)
- You will remember to consciously activate your Trigger Stimulus and then arrive at your desired success Response State.
This is not a skill to be underestimated!
- You can use it to improve your memory.
- Use it to improve your ability to learn.
- Use it to become more attractive and ACTIVELY ATTRACT your ideal partner.
- Use it to become more of the person you want to be.
- Use it to become wealthier.
And remember - this Instant Self Esteem only improves with practice and over time . . . and lasts a lifetime. So expect the best from yourself. You deserve it after all.
All the best for your journey!
© 2005, Robert Scanlon, selfesteemplus
If you'd like to find out more about this skill and many other confidence-building and self-esteem increasing techniques, visit my website at http://www.selfesteemplus.com/
Robert Scanlon is a corporate consultant, NLP Trainer, and the author of “Boost Your Self Esteem To New Heights", a free 21-day online Building Self Esteem and Self Confidence Course and 35-page eBook. You can sign up for it at http://www.selfesteemplus.com/