If you had the choice between joy and suffering in your life, which would you choose? You would probably say joy. But think about it. Would you really be willing to give up your drama for the sake of joy? Or do you think that joy and suffering can exist side by side?
They cannot. Suffering and joy exclude each other. Suffering is fed by feelings of self-devaluation and failure. They confirm one's notion of worthlessness and legitimate one's suffering.
It is important to distinguish between suffering and pain. Pain signalizes an injury or an imbalance in our system. Suffering is a fixation on the pain, an attitude of ignorance or an attempt to find an identity.
For many people their life drama is the basis of their identity. Their aim in life is to gain recognition for the suffering that they have endured. This is a very human and legitimate need. The problem is that recognising the suffering does not cure it. On the contrary.
The knowledge that it gets you attention and compassion from others gives the suffering additional value. It becomes a tool for gaining affection. The suffering is thereby strengthened, and it becomes even more difficult to free yourself from its grip.
Suffering can be the result of the daily little disasters that for many people is a way to feel alive. For some is it the only familiar way how to participate in life.
Suffering can also be a quiet accuse that life is unjust and hard. In such a case, you may feel like a victim of the circumstances. As a victim, you give your power to the circumstances.
We suffer when we lose a loved one. It is important at this point to distinguish between the pain over the loss and suffering. Pain is a natural reaction to loss. The pain passes, if you allow yourself to mourn the loss. After such active mourning you turn back to life.
Guilt feelings or rage against the injustice of the world feed suffering. If you do not recognise and acknowledge these feelings the suffering then can turn into a victim position.
A victim position differs from a victim situation by re-creating a victim situation in the mind. All the thoughts and feelings connected with it then influence the perspective on life.
A victim situation happens in life. Out of such a situation the victim position emerges with all the associated feelings of powerless rage and guilt feelings which then gets repeated in life.
How can you move beyond suffering?
An important step to move beyond suffering is to understand your motives. Is the suffering the consolidation of an old pain, a victim position, part of the identity or the possibility to get attention?
Another important step is to expand your consciousness. Consciousness heals. Consciousness is a tool that allows you to see through the illusions and confusions that make you prone for suffering.
There are key points that help you to move beyond it.
- The difference it makes when you say YES: YES to life, to the Self, to the other person, to your community, to human values and to the union with life and the challenges that you have to face in making these choices
- How the creation of your own story keeps you in bondage and how you can change it
- How self-forgiveness can set you free
- The difference between guilt feelings and responsibility
- The difference between a victim and a victim attitude
- The illusion of romantic love, how it makes you unhappy and how you can move beyond it
- The secret of true sharing
- The power of counting your blessings
- The balance of giving and receiving and how you can attain it
- The spiral nature of the process of life
- How you can use love as a growth process
- How you can use your life patterns as signposts for a fulfilled life
You wonder how you may discover those key points?
In my ebook ‘Beyond Suffering’ I explain in detail all these points together with hands-on instructions on how to
- breathe and pulse in your natural way to build up your energy level
- connect with your Higher Self
- remove blockages to your fulfilment
- let go of the past and live in the here and now
- stop being a victim
- get clear on your vision and goals in life
- understand the higher meaning of painful life experiences and to use them to build your inner strength
- stop hurting yourself
- broaden your consciousness and increase your practical intelligence
- set clear boundaries for your protection
- let go of painful childhood experiences
- know your limitations and how to expand them
- improve your physical health and energy level
- release tensions and relax deeply
- see through your own games and the games others play
- use the power of your mind to create the reality that you want
- use the power of your inner guide for direction
- make powerful choices that magically draw into your life the resources you need
- change the monsters of your life (fears, terror, anger, inner criticism) into allies
Dr. Ulla Sebastian is a well-known author, trainer and psychotherapist. Her work spans a wide range of themes for professional and personal growth. Using forty years of research, work with thousands of people from all over the world and a lifelong experience of self growth and transformation, she supports people to transform negative life patterns into an empowered and fulfilled life. Her Ebook: Beyond Suffering at http://www.visioform.com/uk/ebook-joy.htm contains a comprehensive description and a hands-on manual on how to move beyond suffering into joy. Visit her website http://www.visioform.com for free courses, distance courses, books, ebooks and articles