Keeping negative emotions inside of you are one of the most important causes of failure. This is, of course, not to say that you should be pollyannaic (one who is always positive and happy, even if the sky falls on his family).
Yes, some negative emotions are important, if not necessary, for you to feel, like grief when a loved one passes away, or a little guilt when you do something wrong to someone and you want to apologise. A moderate dosage of these kinds of “necessary" negative emotions is healthy.
However, the trap comes when you wallow in these emotions for extended periods of time. You just can't get yourself to “move on" when you “really, really, really" want to.
No matter how much pollyannaic positive thinking you apply, no matter how many times you repeat your affirmations, no matter how much you try to just ignore your emotions, they just keep coming back to haunt you.
Let's now see how we can handle this:
First, we must examine the root cause of negative emotions. We must find the base upon which these negative emotions stand and uproot it from the terrain of your mind.
For most of us, the trigger that sparks off most negative emotions is usually an event - an external event that happened to us, which is usually beyond our control.
If it is an event that is beyond our control, why bother? It's not your fault. Instead, it is more healthy to focus on the things which exist within your sphere of influence, those factors which you are in control of.
By doing this, by only focusing on optimising your power over the things which you have control over, you are, in fact, contributing to the expansion of your sphere of influence, and therefore, you'll have more things that you have control over, thus, maximising your effectiveness.
The more you focus on what you do control,
The more things you can control.
The more things you can control,
The more effective you become.
A negative emotion could also be an event that is within our control. And this is all the better to handle. The trick now is to identify what had caused you to not attain what you wanted that then triggered your negative emotion.
Here's where you can use Effective Questions to ask yourself what had really caused you to (to put it bluntly) fail.
Ask the most important question - Why?
Ask “why?" relentlessly, till you get to the core of the matter. Use “why?" as your shovel to dig down deeper and deeper and deeper - do not stop - until you reach the base, the root, the real cause of the problem.
But what about those negative emotions that just “come out of the blue", without needing it to be triggered by an external event at all? If you can use the Relentless Why technique above with this, you'll find that somewhere from your past, there is an event that caused this negative emotion to occur.
And also, sometimes, quick fixes to external events that trigger our negative emotions simply cannot heal us of the wounds these emotions cause to us.
This is where more effective questions come in. Not affirmations, not positive thinking, not thinking blissful happy thoughts. You need some really deep, really penetrating effective questions.
Step One - The Clearing Process.
Ask yourself these:
How do I feel?
How do I really, really feel?
Am I sure I am really feeling this? Or is it something else? Another emotion that is disguised as this present emotion?
Do I want to feel this?
Whether you answered Yes or No to the above question, ask - Why do I want / do I not want to feel this?
What would be the negative consequences of me feeling these emotions for extended periods of time?
Do I want these negative consequences?
How painful can these negative consequences be?
What would be the positive consequences of me getting rid of these emotions?
Do I want these positive consequences?
How pleasurable & delightful can these positive consequences be?
What would I gain from freeing myself of these negative emotions?
Would it be possible that these negative emotions are the very cause for my present state of failure?
Would it be possible that if I rid myself of these negative emotions, I would finally attain the success I desire?
Step Two - The Motivating Process.
Next, ask yourself these questions:
What do I want to feel?
What do I really want to feel?
Why must I want to feel these more resourceful, positive emotions?
How can I feel these more resourceful, positive emotions?
What if I can feel these more resourceful, positive emotions right now?
How would it feel like to feel these positive emotions right now?
Can I feel these positive emotions right now?
What do I have in my life right now that can help me to feel more positive about myself right now?
Who do I love, and who loves me, who can help me to feel more positive about myself right now?
What can I be happy about in my life right now?
Why must I maintain this positive emotion?
How can I maintain this positive emotion?
What if I am already able to maintain this positive emotion right now?
Only 2 phases - clearing the glass of the old water, and filling in the glass with new, cleaner, healthier water.
Do this, and you should have gained yourself a position of power and control over your emotional states. A power, if compared to other forms of power, that is incontestible.
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