How To Give Up What You Have To Get What You Want

Joan Clout-Kruse

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I discovered that sometimes we have to give up what we have in order to get what we want. Change is painful. It causes stomach churning. The simple truth is that usually it is “fear of the unknown” that causes us to have anxiety attacks. What if we fail and are worse off than we are right now? What if my idea is stupid? What if? That is a lot of fear.

After all those thoughts we are totally disillusioned and don’t do anything with our dreams. I discovered that once I identified the obstacles preventing me from reaching my goals I could take charge and manage my fears. Then I could begin to feel the joy of success in my life and you can too.

There are four obstacles that can prevent you from getting what you want. Identify the ones that might be stopping you from making a positive change in your life. Once you have an awareness you CAN change if you want to.

1. Fear of losing your security. It is difficult to give up a good paying job to start your own business. Yet, people start small businesses everyday. If you want more than you have it sometimes means giving up what you have now for something better. Many people stay on jobs longer than they should. I know I have. They are bored and unhappy. You may need to let go of what you already have in order to give yourself a better future. You may have to spend money to make more money. You may have less money while you are building a business.

Once you are aware that losing your security is preventing you from making a change, you can take the steps necessary to make the change for your success. Decide how important it is to you to change. Look to the future. If you make this change will you be happier, have more money eventually, more power or whatever is your desire for your future. Write down the positive things that will happen if you change and write down a course of action: Identify the tasks needed to reach your goal and do one of them every day. Acknowledge to yourself that you can give up what you have in order to get what you want.

2. Fear of Failure. This is a big problem for many of us. We don’t start anything risky (even though we really want to) because we are afraid we will fail. Or maybe someone else told us it was too risky and not to do it. I had such a bad experience in the 9th Grade speaking in front of the student body that I avoided speaking opportunities for the next 20 years. It was only when I lost a promotion to a colleague who was a good speaker that I was motivated to overcome my fear of speaking to a group. I took a Dale Carnegie® course and became a confident speaker. I practiced, practiced, practiced. I learned that the only way to overcome a fear is to do it. If you have a fear that is preventing you from achieving the success you want, then you must confront the fear and do it. This will happen to you when you have a motivating factor like I did to overcome my fear of speaking.

3. Self-Doubt. If you have any kind of doubt in your mind about what you are doing, you may not achieve that particular goal. You must be committed to your goal. My self-doubt usually comes when someone else puts doubt in my mind. “Are you sure you want to do that?” they say. Or the famous statement, “It hasn’t been done like that before. ” Don’t take negative comments personally. It takes a strong belief in yourself but you can do it. Always state your goals and dreams in a positive way. Keep your self-esteem high especially around others. “Fake it ‘til you make it, ” is a popular mind trick to do. One thing I discovered is that people believed in me before I did! It is important to put your goals in writing and know them well. Allow no one to discourage you. When you feel self-doubt creeping in, say positive affirmations to yourself and call a friend or buddy to give you words of encouragement.

4. Change is Painful. It is much easier to keep things the way they are than to go through the pain of change. We remember painful past events and don’t want to go through them again, such as we were hurt by a relationship so we don’t want to commit again to another person. Or when I decided to never speak again because of my 9th grade speaking fiasco. Who suffers the most when we aren’t willing to change? We do. We do not learn and grow. We must move with the times. We must change when it is to our advantage.

Success comes with change. Enjoy your life more by accepting change as a necessary part of life. Change is good. Change is challenging. Change is growth. Change today means you have what you want tomorrow.

About the Author

Are you stuck with a specific goal or writing project that is important to you? Contact Joan Clout-Kruse, the Book Writers’ Coach through her Web site to get you back on track. Finish writing your book in 90- Days is available for the serious-minded, committed writer.

Joan is the author of “The Top 10 Traits of Silicon Valley Dynamos, ” and the e-books “How To Write Your Book In 90 Days or Less, ” and “The ABCs of Success. ” Contact Joan at 650 759-2042 for a free 30 minute consultation to determine if you are ready to write your book.

This article may be published in its entirety as long as the author's name and Web site address are included.


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