When I take a bath, I often find myself doing some thinking. This reflecting is usually about my life. It is not one particular thing. . . it is everything and nothing. Then before I know what is happening, I feel the tears drop ever so slightly on my cheeks. When this occurs, I only allow it to go on for about five minutes. Then I tell myself to snap out of it and think of all of the blessings in my life.
This bath moment just happened again. As I got out of the bathtub this time, I wondered why this happens and more importantly what exactly it accomplishes. I realize it accomplishes absolutely nothing. It doesn’t even necessarily make me feel better when it happens. I am not saying that crying doesn’t help sometimes, I am just saying this five minute crying over nothing yet everything doesn’t seem to help. . . and it is almost a routine.
Why am I crying? What am I crying for? I think I may know the reason, yet I am not sure (which sounds really convincing, I know). In this tub time, I am thinking about all different things in my life. . . things I have, don’t have, want to do, don’t like, etc. The issue is I feel like I cannot change the things that need to be changed. For instance, I would like to have a companion. Not just any companion, the right one. We, as humans, sometimes think we are due or owed something. I have done nothing to necessarily “deserve” a companion, yet I think everyone is due one. Just because I want one, it doesn’t mean it is going to happen right when I want it. . . yet I still want it.
One of my mottos is, “Refuse to Settle. ” I am very passion about it and live by it in everything I do, which is why my life is exactly as it is. I think it is truly the only way to live. When a person settles, it says the person does not deserve what she thinks she deserves. I think everyone deserves the best, whatever their opinion of “the best” is for them. I don’t think anyone should settle in any aspect of his/her life. There are moments when you have to take a less job, in order to get to the job you ultimately want to do. You cannot start off as the CEO of a company, unless that company is your own. In order to put yourself through school, you may have to take a job with flexible hours. These are considered compromises.
I have had to figured out the hard way that I needed to live my life according to my own rules. I have stood up for myself against people who wanted me to work at a job that did not interest me. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, but it was also the most liberating. I could no longer live my life for someone else or according to someone else's rules or thoughts of what was best for me. It is not easy to speak out against people you look up to or love. This is the first step to gain the power of your own life. This is the best way to truly know yourself and what is best for you. No one knows you like you know yourself. You cannot let others dictate your life. They are not living your life. They don’t have to go to job everyday they hate. When you decide to take the path of refusing to settle, it is not an easy one. I could be in a job making a good deal of money but not really like the job. I decided this would not allow me to be happy, for the money would be a temporary fix. Then where would I be? I would have spent 50 hours a week for 50 years hating what I have done and what I did not try to do. You must be willing to take a risk to receive a greater reward. You don't want to end up regretting not having done something, when you had the chance.
In not settling, my personal life leaves a lot to be desired. I have never really had a serious relationship, and I date very seldom (actually it is not existent at the time). I have known too many people who get married to the wrong person and end up miserable. I refuse to be like that. . . looking back on my personal life wondering who the “the one” actually is. Since I have this perspective, my relationships last very short. Once I know he is not “the one, ” I end it. To me, there is no point in dragging it out, just for the sake of having someone there. The longer the relationship lasts, the more difficult it is to terminate it. When someone pressures you into staying in a relationship, you need to think, “You are not dating this person who is not supportive/compassionate/loving. ” You have to decide what is best for you and what will ultimately allow you to be happy. . . happy being who you truly are in your soul.
I never feel obligated to anyone but myself. If I don’t want a job, I don’t take it. If I don’t want to go, I won’t go. There is only so much time in a day, and there are a million things I could be doing. My time is too precious to spend it doing things that I have no desire to be doing. Years ago, I used to go dancing with my friends, but I hated the place we would go. Every time we’d go, the minute we got there, I would want to leave. I absolutely hated every minute of it, and the time just seemed to drag. I went, because I wanted to spend time with my friends. As I’ve gotten older, I have realized that if my friends want to spend time with me, we can compromise on what we will be doing. I don’t want them to spend the night in misery, and they should want the same for me. If they don’t, then they aren’t your true friends, because real friends will understand if you don’t want to do something or go somewhere.
Do you want to live life as a prisoner, giving your freedom to someone else? By refusing to settle, you are taking your own life by the reins, and you will realize that you are the only one making choices for your own life. You will know what is right for you. Your heart will speak volumes to you. You will see the signs and feel the desire to break free. People will give you advice and suggestions. It is perfectly fine to listen to them, but you must know that you will be making the final decision. After all, it is your life you are leading. No one, besides you, can decide what is best for your life. Stand up for yourself. If you can't stand up for yourself, you can't expect other people to do it for you. When you have this mastered, you will be able to stand up for others. You will allow others to know it is possible to be the best of who they are, but first, they must take control of their own life.
When I need to snap myself out of these bath moments, I focus on how my life would have been had I not taken control of it. I would be in a dead-end job, making decent money, but hating every morning I had to get up and go to work, while trying to find any possible way to make the weekend longer. I would still be in a relationship where the guy did not realize his full potential, and he would be stuck in a job he hates. He would be coming home to me every day with stress, frustration, and aggravation, and I would have to deal with the pressure from that. This would allow me to regret those decisions in life. I don’t like living with regrets, and I try to live regret free. I have a couple of regrets that existed before I gained my “Live With No Regrets” motto. This type of non-productive, negative attitude filled life would make me think, “What would my life be like if I had never settled?” When this question comes into my mind, I know I have made the right choices in life.
Next time a tear falls when I am in the tub, it will be because I realize my life is exactly how it should be. I don’t have a companion, because there are other tasks I need to accomplish first, before the right one comes into my life. I don’t have the perfect job, because I must conquer and learn other things. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. My life is exactly how it should be. Freedom is such a precious gift that many people take for granted. Being a prisoner is no way to live your life. The freest way to live life is to take control of your reins and never let go for someone else.
After earning a bachelor's degree and while earning a master's degree, both in marketing, Jessica Rector began to second guess herself and her career choice. Although she enjoyed this field, she felt her passion was elsewhere. She says, “Although I wasn't sure what it was, I felt there was something missing in the marketing field for me. So, I set out to find what what I really wanted to do. I needed to listen to what my heart and soul were saying to me. " Through this journey, Ms. Rector traveled down paths that allowed her to take control over her life. She had her own television talk show in Los Angeles for two years. She currently spends her time empowering, edifying, and motivating others to live their life to the fullest.