It's ok. Whatever it is, it's ok. There isn't a problem until you think there's a problem.
The journey home to yourself is filled with experiences and ways of being that defy description. Words are mental, and much of the journey is experiential. Words don't do well in describing how “it's ok" feels when you embody it fully, when you live it.
Allowing everything to be as it is, without resistance, is another way of saying “it's ok, " and it's something I talk about often with my clients. This is a way of being that is unmistakeable once you've experienced it, but is difficult to explain to someone who hasn't yet felt it. To my clients’ frustration, there's also no “how, " no step-by-step process, to achieve - or rather, to remember - this way of being. One moment it's a mystery, and the next moment it suddenly makes inexplicable, glorious sense.
There are, of course, some ideas, tools, teachings, and ways of looking at it that help people make the shift. Inquiry, meditation, relaxation - I've written about many of these in the past, and I'll certainly write about more of them in future articles.
However, in this article I'd like to explore some of the things that “it's ok" does not mean.
It's Not Stoicism or Martyrdom
Said in a long-suffering tone of voice, “it's ok" is often used to mean the exact opposite.
Allowing everything to be as it is - allowing everything to be truly ok - does not entail becoming a doormat for everyone to walk on or being a martyr to circumstance. Used that way, “it's ok" is a lie, because there's still a perceived problem.
When everything is as it is, “it's ok" is a recognition that there is no problem at all. When your mind stops believing its stories about situations, problems drop away and disappear.
It's Not Inertia or Inactivity
People often use problems as reasons for activity, so without a problem, my clients wonder if they'll find themselves with no motivation to do anything. A life sitting on the couch eating bon-bons doesn't exactly appeal to them.
Fortunately, nothing could be farther from reality. Action arises clearly and easily out of the space created when there's no problem. All the energy that had been used for worry and planning and problem-solving becomes free to move - and move it does! Creativity flows, opportunity becomes obvious, and more is accomplished than seems possible.
It's Not Always Feeling Good
"It's ok" doesn't mean “everything is wonderful. " Preferences don't suddenly disappear, nor does life suddenly align itself perfectly. You'll still feel tired, sad, hungry, cold, frustrated, sick; drivers will still cut you off on the highway; you'll still have communication breakdowns and misunderstandings with your boss, partner, and best friend.
But - and this is where the words and descriptions really start to fail - it's still ok, and there's still no problem. Without the story about how being tired or sad or sick is a “bad" thing, without the story about how that driver is a terrible person who “shouldn't" have cut you off, without the story about how your boss “should" treat you with more respect, there's nothing left but freedom.
It Is Freedom
When you don't contract around your mind's attempt to create stories about what's happening, you relax physically, mentally, and emotionally. Internal knots and tensions dissolve into a joyful spaciousness.
Your freedom to be who you really are opens up into horizons you never dreamed existed. As one client wrote, “Self-consciousness has fallen away. I just do what presents itself to be done; there's no mental chatter considering whether it's the right thing to do or not, wondering and worrying about what someone else will think, no incipient embarrassment to protect. It's sublime, beautiful, and totally amazing!"
"There are bad times, but that's ok, just look for the love in it, don't burn the day away. " Dave Matthews Band, US-based rock band formed in 1991
Helping bright, creative women break free from others’ expectations and reclaim their wholeness and power.
About the Author
I'm Jon Hansen of The Remembering Room .
After a lifetime of being all things to all people, is it possible to live from who you are instead of for other people's expectations?
You can break down the walls and rediscover/reclaim the wholeness that's your birthright. For more information or to access my free resources (including my free guided meditations) please visit The Remembering Room