The unimaginable has happened; you are a widow or widower. Mourning your loss has been the focus of your life for the past year or two. Finally, as you begin to surface from your profound grief, with a deep breath and lot or a little trepidation you find yourself falling in love again. Is this new relationship fraught with landmines? You bet! Here are important stepping stones to help keep you afloat along the way, Do’s and Don’ts as it were for widows/widowers beginning a new, loving relationship.
Perhaps you joined a bereavement support group, progressed through the stages of loss and are doing pretty well. And then, surprise … you find yourself attracted to someone of the opposite sex. Not just someone to hear your grief, but someone who makes your heart quicken. What to do? What feels right? You are still grieving, but you’re attracted and you want to date, you’re also lonely and crave company. And yet, you feel guilty, disloyal to your late spouse.
How do I let my grown kids know that I want to date? How can I help them to react in a positive way? I don’t want to hurt them while they grieve their mother or father, but I also want to go on with my own life. How do I talk to them about my needs and be respectful of theirs? I know that they grieve on a different timetable.
I meet someone I can see having a future with. She/he has furniture; I have furniture, how do we blend that? What do we do with family pictures?
How do I financially protect my new partner and myself? Do we do a prenuptial agreement? What is fair? I want to leave money for my children and I also want to protect her/him, how do I do that? It’s distasteful to seek the counsel of an attorney but I feel I should do that. I have a townhouse, she has a townhouse; which townhouse do we live in? What do we do with our extra “stuff, ” how much do we give away?
All of these questions are common and very real. You might be asking yourself: Do we like each other enough to resolve these questions. Can we come out of our own chaos and have a mutual life?
A new partner and shared life is indeed a positive challenge. Many widows/widowers take on the growth and welcome new love, wanting to heal and move forward to a renewed life with joy, expectation and eagerness.
From THE HEALING POWER OF GRIEF: The Journey Through Loss to Life and Laughter (ISBN 1-932783-48-2) http://www.championpress.com/grief/healingpowerofgrief.htm and THE HEALING POWER OF LOVE: Transcending the Loss of a Spouse to New Love, http://www.championpress.com/grief/healingpoweroflove.htm (ISBN 1-932783-51-2) by Gloria Lintermans & Marilyn Stolzman, Ph. D. , L. M. F. T. , Champion Press, 2006
THE HEALING POWER OF GRIEF is the grief recovery book everyone's talking about and includes a valuable “Healing Power of Thought" workbook. This book is written in everyday language to which everyone can relate while being gently guided through this heartbreaking time.
THE HEALING POWER OF LOVE is a collection of heartwarming, intimate stories of how 24 widows and widowers grieved and healed, and while embracing loving memories of their late spouse, went on to new loving, committed relationships. . . a unique perspective on this subject.
Visit with Gloria Lintermans at: http://creativegrief.blogspot.com/