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Giving Up On Yourself

Debbie Simon

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There is a big difference between wanting to give up and actually giving up. Sometimes we run into someone after a long time and we are shocked at their appearance. They appear to have given up on themselves. They don't care about their appearance and maybe they have let themselves go in many ways. Giving up can creep up on us over a period of time. The end result is not pretty. It starts with giving into those habits that we know are bad for us. Maybe we start eating foods that we had given up in the past. Our frequency of exercise goes down, perhaps our alcohol consumption goes up. Our ability to deceive ourselves is truly amazing.

What can you do when you see the signs that you are giving up? How can you lift yourself out of slump or a depression? The first line of attack can be what you're eating and what you're doing with your time. The foods we ingest determine our well being. We know that but yet we often choose to keep eating the “bad stuff" anyway. We are feeding our emotions rather than our bodies. A person who is hurting emotionally will sometimes “blow up" in weight. Did the food make them feel better? Well. . . yes. It actually did. It's comforting and it's immediate. This is when the adult needs to step in and run the show. We want to soothe our pain and the things we tell ourselves often make us feel worse. We have these inner dialogs composed of integrated parents, x-spouses and negative people in our lives. Then we have the come backs and the justifications for why we deserve to “be good to ourselves" right now. Comfort is a funny thing. We need to redefine it. Is it really comforting to stuff feelings away with vices? Only for about 50 seconds. Is there comfort in knowing that by eating correctly and “doing the right things" we will feel better but it will take awhile? Only the mature part of ourselves has the experience and sense of reasoning to know this. If we let our impulses take over and run the show, we are going to get into some very hot water. Some people have more restraint than others. It depends on what kind of a life you want to have and how you want to feel on a regular basis. What level of health do you want? From 0-100 (100 being the highest) do you want to regularly feel at a level 50, 80 or 92? What do you regularly feel overall? Until you can equate the needs of your body and spirit with your level of enjoyment and health, you are fighting a losing battle.

We often want to lift others up out of their misery. We want them to care about themselves. We want them to “change". Unless they want that for themselves we are wasting our time and energy encouraging fact, it is usually when others give up on a person that they themselves become motivated to work on themselves. That's the irony. We cannot really help another person until they reach out and ask and are receptive to our help.

Debbie Simon, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, NY State Licensed Psychotherapist and Life Coach. Specializing in visualization/manifestation; 20 years experience; seasoned, skilled and intuitive. and daily blog


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