How well do you understand how gut instincts – yours and others - influence likeability, decision making and even attention span? Want to find out? Here are nine questions. Some answers may surprise you.
1. Do people get along better when talking to each other if they are facing each other or if they are standing side by side?
2. Who tends to face the person with whom they are speaking (men or women) and who tends to stand side by side, facing more or less the same way (women or men)?
3. If you want to increase the chance of knowing if someone is lying to you, what is one helpful phenomenon to notice about that person’s face when he or she is talking to you?
4. If you want to keep someone’s attention, is it better to wear a patterned shirt or blouse or a plain blouse or shirt?
5. What is the most directly emotional of all the senses, bypassing the thinking facilities and causing a quicker, more intense reaction in the limbic (emotions) system than any other sense?
6. Are you more likely to get someone to support you or buy something if you give them something up front, unasked, before you ask for the favor?
7. Who tends to maintain wider peripheral vision when entering a new place, men or women?
8. Who tends to be more specific in their descriptions, adults or children?
9. Of the previous eight questions, which is the one people are most likely to ask for the answer to first, and if reading the questions in a group, are most likely to comment on first?
1. People get along better when they “sidle” stand or sit side by side rather than when they face each other.
2. Men are more likely to sidle than women.
3. Note the timing and duration of the first “reactive” expression on someone’s face when you think that person is not telling you the truth. When lying, most people can put an innocent expression on their faces, yet few (except pathological liars) will have the right timing or duration of that expression.
If you ignore the expression itself and, instead, consider whether the timing and duration of the expression seem natural, you’ll greatly increase your chances of knowing if that person is lying.
4. Wearing a plain, unpatterned shirt or blouse will increase the chances that the listener will hear you longer. A patterned top or ornate jewelry or loud tie will break up the listener’s attention span sooner, and that person is more likely to go on more “mental vacations” sooner.
5. Smell is the most directly emotional of the senses. The right natural scent can refresh or relax you and others in your home or work site. Vanilla, apple, and chocolate are the scents Americans most like.
6. Yes, up to 14 times more likely to get their support or a purchase. This gut instinct is often called “reciprocity reflex. ”
7. Women. That is why storeowners who serve men will increase their sales if they have prominent, eye-level signage over large displays where men will see the signage soon after entering the store.
8. Children are more vividly specific, hitting their prime around fourth grade and then beginning to speak in generalities, more like adults. Specific detail prove general conclusions, not the other way around. Specifics are more memorable and credible.
9. Question number 3.
It seems that we have an inordinate interest in lying.
Three insights on instincts to connect:
Finding #1: “Move to Motivate” MOTION
Motion heightens the emotions people experience. When you are moving or watching movement you will feel more intensely about whatever is happening. Imagine the impact of this insight in when and how you choose to connect with someone else. For example, in explaining something to a friend or prospect, choose the important times to walk, turn, point, open.
Further, people remember more the things they dislike or fear that they experience in motion, more than things they enjoy. Motion attracts attention and causes people to remember more of what’s happening and feel more strongly about it, for better or for worse.
Insight: This is another justification for golf! Think of the memorability of a golf swing. The more dimensions of motion involved (body moving up/down, left/right, backward/forward), the more memorable the motion.
Get others involved in motions with you that create good will: walking, sharing a meal, handing or receiving a gift, shaking hands, turning to face a new scene. You are more likely to literally get “in sync” (vital signs become more similar: eye pupil dilation, skin temperature, heartbeat) and to then get along.
Finding #2: “Deep Convictions” PASSION
The more time, actions, or other effort someone has put into something, someone, or some course of action, the more deeply that person will believe in it, defend it, and work on it further.
Insight: If you want more from another person, wait to ask until after she has invested more time, energy, money, or other resources. The more someone talks about it, repeats and elaborates it, writes it down, and explains it to others, the more deeply that person will believe it – and feel inclined to tell others. Imagine your customers raving about their experience with your product.
Finding #3: “True Timing” LIKEABILITY
If a person likes the way he acts when he is around you, he often sees the qualities in you that he most admires. The opposite is also true. Two universal truths: people like people who are like them, and people like people who like them.
Insight: Pick the moments when someone feels most at ease and happy to move the relationship forward. Don’t make suggestions or requests when they are acting in an unbecoming way your efforts will only backfire. Praise the behavior you want to flourish. Don’t ask for more from someone until they have invested more time, money, other resources, or emotional “chits” in the relationship.
Final hint: you only have three chocies in any situation and the sooner you make your choice, the more options and less stress you'll experience. Oh yes. Those three choices are change how you are acting, accept the situation or leave it.
Guess which sex is more likely to worry longer before acting? That should be interesting to discuss with someone of the opposite sex.
Kare Anderson is the author of LikeABILITY (see Grand Store at http://www.SayitBetter.com ), Make Yourself Memorable and SmartPartnering. A popular speaker on SmartPartnering and on how to be more frequently-quoted to become your kind of customers’ top- of-mind choice, she also publishes the SayitBetter newsletter, with 32,000 subscribers in 28 countries.