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I Guess I'm Happy?

Sara Abrams

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Where do the years go? I'll be 52 years old this summer. I feel like a kid, I guess I look okay and I just feel like there's so much more to do! I've done a lot, in a sense, but on the other hand I haven't accomplished half of what others have. I never finished college and I never raised children. I wrote some screenplays but never had the burning fire in the belly to make them happen. I've been a good pet mother. Not quite the equivalent of raising kids but it sure did cost a lot!

Sometimes when I think I haven't done enough I have to give myself a pat on the back and understand that just surviving every day, paying my bills on time and not jumping off a roof are major accomplishments. (Which reminds me, I need to call Alltel. They sent me an obnoxious text message saying my bill wasn't paid, but of course it has been!)

Speaking of bills, being self-employed has so many joys but the fear of not paying my bills on time is truly a persistent, gut gnawing, anxiety. I'm trying to think positively and use the law of attraction to attract abundance and success, but it still is scary at times. Just as I'm starting to panic I hear about another person being laid off, or an entire department being outsourced, and I vow to keep pressing ahead and believing that I can survive on my own. To be beholden to a “boss" again and then to be discarded without any say or defense would have to be a million times worse than my daily struggles.

I'm still looking for a husband but at this point a kiss and foot rub would be something to put in my journal. The man market in Charlotte is really rough. First, it's such a conservative city that people seem to stay married (although they do cheat. . . ). Then secondly, I'm very spoiled on a visual and esthetic level. Let me explain that. In Los Angeles not only are the women the most gorgeous in the world, but the men are too! In Charlotte. . . not so much. The good news is that I've gone from a 2 to an 8.

Oh please. You know I'm just kidding. I've never been a 2. At least not in my mother's eyes!

Sara Abrams is the former publisher of two magazines based in Charlotte, NC, The MECK and Cats & Dogs of Charlotte. She currently serves as the Vice President of Sales & Marketing for Women With Know How, a women's resource guide and directory. She also helps business owners and individuals with identity theft protection.


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