Being human means we all tend to purposely overlook the ‘less than glowing’ parts of our behavior and character. Unfortunately for many of us, some of those aspects are the ones that need the most attention. And they require action before anything gets better. If you have an anger problem, the best way to begin addressing it is to increase your awareness as much as possible. And. . .
Learn to spot the various ways you can sabotage your efforts to manage your anger.
What follows are 3 important behaviors to watch out for:
First: You know a problem exists but don't take any action.
This can happen for various reasons. Some people know they have a problem but don't know where to begin or how to resolve it. If that's you. . .
Then the easiest action is to simply start educating yourself. You can find online information, or you can go to your public library. And as I said before, start increasing your awareness about your behavior. Most importantly, try to identify your particular anger triggers.
You may already have a good idea about your triggers. But try to be as comprehensive as possible. This will only help you later. Then. . .
Ask yourself if you prefer the help of a counseling professional. This could mean a one-on-one situation or group setting. It's important to answer this because your success will have a greater chance if you're comfortable.
The opposite of that situation are those who realize a problem exists yet consciously refuse to deal with it. There can be many reasons. . .
- Resistance to change that can result from fear of change.
- An over-inflated ego often prevents seeking help for any personal problem.
- Procrastination is rampant among us humans, too. And again, fear plays its part with procrastination.
Most of us don't like admitting our own faults. But successfully conquering your anger issues will involve living in reality and not trying to fool anyone. One of your biggest obstacles will be your very own ego. So be as objective about yourself as you can. You'll eventually discover it to be a powerful step to overcoming your anger issues.
Managing your anger can be relatively easy or as difficult as you want. It boils down to how much you desire to be free from it and the effort you put into it.
Start paying attention to feedback from others around you. Give yourself an honest evaluation about yourself.
Third: You believe your anger is justified. . . and you hold onto it.
This situation may be quite understandable depending upon your personal history and circumstances. But it really only goes so far. . .
Eventually your anger is only hurting you or the people around you. That's the point when something needs to be done. Positive action is required before your life, and the lives of those around you, will get better.
Realize that desiring revenge or forever wanting personal justice to happen is a function of your ego. I stress that some anger-causing actions are horrendous, and these kinds of feelings are completely understandable. Justice for crimes committed is separate from this discussion. I'm referring to the personal kind of justice, or ‘getting back’ at someone.
Justice isn't always a possibility, or legally needed. Often times the actions that caused your anger were not intentionally negative. Parents and other prominent people who influenced you were living in ignorance. And they had no idea how they were really affecting you. I know this from personal experience, but I also believe it's very common.
So the choice is yours, as always. You can continue satisfying your ego, or ask yourself what you desire the most.
Do you want to continue living with anger? Do you want to continue suffering the many consequences that chronic anger causes? Or do you want to take action to end it? While thinking about this. . .be sure to think of others in your life who are affected.
If you choose action to end your anger. . . then focus on your goal, get help, and do not ever give up.
Ken Thompson, http://www.EscapeFromAnger.com , is a survivor of living for over 20 years with chronic anger. He knows and understands from experience the issues and difficulties associated with anger. He also understands the difficulties involved with overcoming chronic anger. Ken successfully resolved the anger in his life through many years of self-study and personal effort. He offers a distillation of effective techniques designed to permanently remove chronic anger.