Anger is a normal emotion. We all get angry and need to find ways to manage ourselves when we are angry. The reasons why we get angry are varied. It helps us to find ways to deal with our anger when we understand what is making us angry.
Three reasons people respond with anger when they feel emotionally threatened:
- Feeling hurt - when our feelings are hurt it is easier to get in touch with anger at the person who has just emotionally wounded us than to acknowledge the hurt.
- Feeling betrayed - the feeling of having been betrayed hits us to the core and again the instinctive response can be one of overwhelming anger at the person who betrayed us.
- Feeling embarrassed - responding with anger becomes a way of covering up what one is really feeling.
Four reasons people respond with anger that are learned:
- Repeating a pattern - this is usually a pattern that is learned from the people who have had a significant influence in ones life. Usually it is a parent or other adult from whom one learns how to deal with anger. Unfortunately some people are not good at modeling successful ways of handling oneself when angry.
- Getting ones way - Some people have found that they get what they want when they get angry. By getting angry they intimidate the other person and cut off communication.
- Handling defensiveness - Responding with anger can be a cover up for feeling defensive. Again it is a learned response to experiencing strong feelings that are deep inside. People who are in the habit of responding with defensive anger are frequently not even aware what they are really feeling. Anger can be a cover-up for many other feelings. It takes courage to look behind the defensiveness.
- Pent-up rage - can be for various reasons: having been mistreated, bullied and/or abused; difficulty with impulse control; or a result or drug, alcohol, or prescription drug abuse. Any one who is struggling with pent-up rage may benefit from a professional assessment. If one does not find successful ways of handling this kind of anger it will adversely affect relationships.
Learning to understand what makes one angry goes a long way towards finding solutions to managing ones anger. In order to be able to interact successfully with others it becomes necessary to learn ways of dealing with ones anger in ways that are respectful of self and others.
And if you are interested in learning more about strengthening your emotional fitness I invite you to visit http://www.GrowWithKristina.com and http://www.kristinavonr.com all by Kristina von Rosenving