"The monkey may be off my back, but the circus hasn't left town yet. " Once I had about 6 months of recovery, I began to feel as if my addiction was finally beginning to be manageable - I didn't crave it all the time, it didn't drive me as it once had, and I found myself thinking more about the steps, my life and the work ahead. The monkey was off my back. But that didn't mean the circus of my life had left town. With the monkey gone, and my focus now redirected, I was confronted with the damage, the wreckage and the ‘circus’ of my life and my affairs. What a mess! I felt as if the different areas of my life were like separate Big Top tents - each with its own wild circus act going on, and all out of control. How was I ever to deal with it all? One day at a time, that's how. One of the most valuable lessons I learned early on was that I hadn't created this mess in a day, and I couldn't fix it in a day, but one day at a time, with God's help, I could be honest, clean house, and sanity would return. And if did. Today I'm happy to report that the circus, the monkey and all the ringleaders have left town. It's peaceful here now, and boy am I grateful.
I don't know where my tendency to worry came from - perhaps I learned it from my mother - but I'm sure good at it. Before the program I would worry and stress over most areas of my life and even if something good happened, my automatic thought was, “This isn't going to last. " Little did I realize that my constant worry was in some way a request for more bad things to show up in my life. The book, “The Secret" teaches that thoughts are things, and that what you think about most you attract into your life. It tells us that the law of attraction is neutral and that it responds to your deeply felt beliefs and desires - good or ad. In other words, you get what you pray for. In the program I've learned that even praying for what I think I want (my will) can still get me into trouble. Today I've found a better way. Today I pray for the knowledge of God's will and the power to carry that out. This not only removes worry from my life, but it also attracts the best outcomes for all concerned. This is my solution today.
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