No one writes in the present tense but for this article we must. Everything is going on right now!
My motto is (and I know it’s good because I invented it): Never trust your brain: It’s double-sided and self-programmed.
I like to check with each side of my brain, one at a time, never together. I do this every eon or so just to see how things are going. Let’s check in with Lefty: Lefty, are you there?
Righty! How about you? Are you there?
Well, I guess they are taking their afternoon nap.
It’s a beautiful day here in Idaho. The troops are home. The crops are in—
“What do you want? Don’t ask me why I couldn’t spell “Seoul. ”
It’s Lefty! Shhhhhhh!
It’s okay, Lefty. My fault, not yours, but you could have remembered from the last time we couldn’t spell it.
“You mean, the last time you couldn’t spell it. How many times did you go through that place and you still can’t spell SEOUL. ”
It’s Miss Henderson’s fault!
“Don’t tell me she is still getting the blame for your rotten spelling. It wasn’t her fault. You are the one that thought the spelling list was a bookmark. ”
I’m staying quiet. I don’t like it when Lefty gets nasty like that.
“You can’t add or subtract either. ”
Well, now! The multiplication is not my fault. It’s the guy that made those multiplying pencils when we were kids. They did the multiplication for you. You just turned this little cylinder and VIOLA, there was the answer.
“Your dad could multiply any two six figure numbers together in his head and give you the square root to seventeen decimal places. ”
Yeh! But he took after his mother and he had that great teacher up there in Bancroft, Idaho back before the Great War.
“There is no use arguing with a poor-spelling anti-arithmetician like you. What did you want anyway?”
Engineers like to use gadgets to do there spelling and arithmetic.
“I’ve always wondered why you can spell ‘arithmetic’ and ‘Mississippi’ but not ‘carrot. ’”
A Red Indian Thought He Might Eat Tobacco In Church. M ISS ISS IPP I. All the kids knew that.
“So what did you want?”
I was wondering if there was anything I could do to make you more efficient.
“Me more efficient! Go stick your head in that dictionary and spell each word fourteen times. Then maybe I will be properly programmed at least for spelling. ”
Do I need to spell the foreign words?
“Now how did you spell foreign correctly. Oh, the spell checker got it for you. Damned tool of Satan! Goodbye!”
“She was a little hard on you wasn’t she? You might read How to Get Along with Difficult People by Florence Littauer. They have a used copy for 47 cents at Amazon.com. ”
Women can be difficult to get along with. She’s just like my third grade teacher who’s name I can’t remember, thankfully.
“Mrs. Fishman. Eleanor, I believe. She liked to read Homer. Can you turn on some music so that I can think better? This looks like a difficult session. How about some Brahms?”
Sure. Some music would be nice. How about this Tex Ritter CD?
Okay, it’s Brahms. How are you doing with that explanation of the Apocalypse?
“You are impossible. Didn’t I tell you to go to the breakdown in the Jerusalem Bible? It’s from two bible tracts and John’s introduction. After you’ve gone there and done that, come back. Maybe I’ll talk to you about it. But remember how you did poorly on Perturbation Theory in that advanced solid state physics class you sat in on at Iowa State University?”
Now I’ve got you! I was the only one in the class that could get the professor out of trouble that day during the third quarter.
“Big deal. You just noticed that he had done something different and the rest of the class thought it was different. You’re impossible!”
Well, I already had a Ph. D. I was just auditing the class. I didn't have time to do the assignments too. I had my own classes to teach.
"You couldn't do the assignments because you didn't try after the very first one. John, you need to develop some perseverance. And don't ask Lefty to spell that. "
Well, did you read my article on String Theory?
“PLEASE turn the music up!”
copyright©John T. Jones, Ph. D. 2005
John T. Jones, Ph. D. (firstname.lastname@example.org)is a retired R&D engineer and VP of a Fortune 500 company. He is author of detective & western novels, nonfiction (business, scientific, engineering), poetry, etc. Former editor of international trade magazine. Jones is Executive Representative of International Wealth Success. More info: http://www.tjbooks.com . Business web site: http://www.bookfindhelp.com (IWS wealth-success materials / TopFlight flagpoles)