There’s an opening song from the TV sitcom “Scrubs” that says, “I can’t do it all on my own. No, I’m no Superman. ” Most women spend their entire lives trying to prove that statement wrong (with the exception of a gender change from Superman to Superwoman), when in fact, if we only accepted it as the truth, life would be so much easier. If we take a look back at the way families were raised just a few generations ago, people lived and worked close to other family members whom they relied upon for care and support. In the indigenous tribes still existing today around the world, the entire tribe acts as the family support system. There’s a saying, “It takes a village to raise a child”, but how many mothers today ask the villagers for help?
Many women equate having it all to handling it all—by themselves. From their successful careers to their perfect homes, no need for anyone to open doors for them even if their arms are wrapped around two stuffed bags of groceries with a purse trailing off their shoulders. They can just kick that door open with their foot and shove their body and bags through it! The unfortunate part of all this is that people actually want to help. I have a friend who I’ve known since high school. She and her family live only two miles away from me, and while I consider her as close as a sister to me, I don’t see her often since she’s raising four children (ages 3-12). We often rely on email to keep in touch. Once day, she responded to one of my “hi, how are you doing” emails, and said she was just getting back to normal after the surgery. Surgery. . . what surgery, I thought. How did I not know about this? I could have helped. I could have been there for her. We later chatted , and she said she just didn’t think to ask me.
During a time I was launching a new business—I had been at it for four years and had exhausted all avenues for sufficiently paying work without any indication my luck would change—I was at the crossroads of deciding to go back to my old line of work or to continue on my own. Other than my husband and a few close friends, no one knew how much I was struggling financially and emotionally.
In a session with a spiritual consultant, I learned that hiding my vulnerability was like erecting a solid brick wall around myself that was actually intimidating to people. No one would dare to enter, let alone offer to help. Upon her suggestion, I did something which was very uncomfortable and foreign to me. I started explaining my situation to people and asking for help in specific areas. Revealing my inner struggles, failures and imperfections was a painstaking process as I always took pride in my emotional strength and ability to create success around me.
Afterwards, a couple of my friends told me they admired my honesty, courage and willingness to bare it all. Within a month, two part-time opportunities came my way, which paved the way for more work later on. Girls grow up yearning for independence, wanting to make it on our own, but sometimes we wake up one day as the lone wolf in the forest looking for our own food, nursing our own wounds and watching our own back for predators. All Goddesses need help sometime in their lives. Know that the help you seek is out there; but it won’t come until you ask. You’ll be surprised to find out how many willing and able people really do want to help you.
5 Ways to Ask For Help:
Excerpted from the book: The Goddess of Happiness, A Down-to-Earth Guide for Heavenly Balance and Bliss
Debbie Gisonni, aka The Goddess of Happiness™, is an author (The Goddess of Happiness: A Down-to-Earth Guide for Heavenly Balance and Bliss and Vita’s Will: Real Life Lessons about Life Death & Moving On), speaker, happiness expert and columnist for iVillage.com. Contact: http://www.goddessofhappiness.com
Copyright, All Rights Reserved, Debbie Gisonni