As a coach, I don't have the answers. What I do have are the questions. Questions are powerful tools we can use to create a deeper awareness and shift perspective. Often, when asked a question, you will stop to think about the situation in ways you have never done before. There are times when I ask my clients a question and they reply with something like “I have never thought of it that way before, " or “No one has ever asked me that. " Questions can be provocative and create an awareness you might not have had before. I found that to be true for myself when I was trying to make a business decision. Coaching myself by asking three important questions allows me to make a thoughtful decision.
I was perplexed about what to do with a difficult business decision. I remember reading the book, The Power of Focus, by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen and Les Hewitt. I pulled it off the shelf, laid it on my desk, and it opened to page 128. There in the middle of the page in bold black letters were the words, “The Three Big Questions. " I read the section and was struck by the simplicity and the power of the words. The section explained how Warren Buffet, the financial guru, decided whether or not he would have dealings with a company or with an individual. He first asked himself three questions:
Do I like them?
Do I trust them?
Do I respect them?
"If any one of these questions results in a ‘no’ the deal is off. " I decided that if this process was good enough for Warren Buffet, it was good enough for me. I asked myself the three questions. The answer to two of the questions were no and the deal was off. Asking the questions made me realize how important relationships are to me, and that I have to like, trust, and respect the people in my life regardless of how profitable or beneficial the deal might seem.
These questions can be used in many situations, not just business. As the book points out, “Why would you choose to build relationships with people you don't trust, don't respect or don't like?" It is a good question. “There are lots of excellent people out there to enjoy your valuable time with. So whether it's marriage, a business partner or hiring a sales team, choosing the right people is critically important to your future health and wealth. "
Okay! You are going to say there are certain people that have to be in your life. No, there isn't; but I will give you that there are people that are somehow connected to you and will show up where you are from time to time. For those people, you need to avoid them or limit contact. You can be respectful when in their presence, but they don't have to be in your life. Disconnect emotionally from them and you might notice that their presence will have little or no effect on you.
Who you spend time with will determine what kind of life you have. Allowing people into your life that you don't like, don't trust or don't respect is bound to be disappointing even disastrous. I used to think I had to put up with certain people; after all, don't we have to like and be nice to everyone? No! Actually we don't. Be respectful yes, but that is all. We don't have to invite them into our lives or try to build a relationship with them. I have created boundaries and standards where I simply don't allow people I don't like, don't respect or don't trust into my life. Since I have set these boundaries, it is amazing who has shown up in my life. I now have the most amazing people around me.
The Power of Focus, by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hanson and Les Hewitt, Health Communications, Inc. 2000.
Coach Rachelle Disbennett-Lee, PhD is a human potential expert who believes in the power of action to create the life you crave. For her free report that will make you wealthier, healthier and happier starting today click on http://www.365daysofcoaching.com/daily_action.htm