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Self-Speak - Establishing a Dialogue

 


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First of all, what I am here to talk about today is how to establish a dialogue. A dialogue between you and I, you and yourself and you and the others around you. Somewhere along the path of our lives most of us have forgotten how to really communicate and have a dialogue with each other or perhaps maybe we simply stopped caring enough to keep up this dialogue. In either case, often times we have come to a screeching halt when it comes to communication and establishing this primary dialogue within ourselves and with each other. We have stopped communicating with each other and began to talk “at" each other. We are not really listening to what others are saying and most of the time aren't even listening to that quiet voice inside of ourselves. We just continue to talk, talk, talk and unfortunately to “talk" is most often not enough to communicate clearly. When did we stop listening to each other? When did we stop listening to our self, our feelings and emotions, our wants? It all became dredged in the mud of our lives, mud that we made I might add. We became encapsulated by what we considered our “needs" and what we “should be doing" as well as what others expected of us. And let us not forget the encrusted beliefs of our own expectations of others and what we felt they “needed" to be doing. We have all contributed to our own garbage and probably at some point in our lives to someone else's garbage.

This dialogue I have been talking about, once established, will effectively “take out the trash" in our lives so that we can replace it with marvelous new stuff. I mean do you really and truly believe half of the things you say at this point in your life or are they spurred by intense emotion and blurted out before you really have time to take into account what you are saying. Because, believe me, what you say affects those around you more than you may realize and what you hear affects you more than you might like to believe. The dialogue that most of us have set up with ourselves and between each other is a language of devalue. We have effectively learned how to get a quick fix of ego by devaluing someone else, unfortunately you can't get very far on ego alone until you need another hit and this means devaluing someone else in order to have your value increased. We have to learn how to increase our own perception of value about ourselves by increasing the value of others around us. I am not saying to go around sprinkling fairy dust and blowing sunshine up everybody's derriere but really, truly learning to value what others have to offer and in general just who they are as people. For example, I am a very (and I mean very) opinionated person but I have learned to channel my opinions and voice them in such a way that I don't devalue others in the process.

If you are expressing your opinion and ever start a sentence with “What you don't understand" or “One day you will see what I mean" what you are really saying to that person is “Look idiot you are so stupid you can't see this from up here on the pedestal I have put myself on" or “You poor little ignorant thing, one day you might be smart enough to understand my lofty assumptions". I realize my interpretations were a bit dramatic but they carry all the razor sharp power of a mental sword that will cut right through to a persons self-esteem and reduce them to a defensive, angry and hurt human animal ready to devour you at any moment. The truth is that they don't have to feel that way if they didn't let it affect them but if they don't have those tools yet then you have just devalued them severely. And why? All it would have taken to avoid the whole situation would be to start your sentence with “In my opinion" or “What I believe is" or “What do you think about this point of view". Don't take their power away. If you learn to empower them then they will empower you. When you say “What you don't see is. . . " you have basically taken something that is your opinion and stated it as an absolute truth.

Who can respond to that? You have just said that your perception is the only point of view there is and there is no other perception that can equal it. You have devalued that person once again. The most adverse effect of all this is that usually once you use one of these catchy little phrases you have a tendency to use others with it and it starts the conversation into a downward spiral into chaos. There is really no point in saying anything after using one of the above such phrases to start an opinionated sentence because once you say “What you don't understand. . . " that person is not listening to anything else you have to say unless you rephrase it in some way.

So take a step back and listen, really listen, not only to what you are saying to others, but what you are saying to yourself. You will surprised in how a small change in self-awareness can totally cause a domino effect to ripple throughout your reality. Give it a try! What do you have to lose?

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