My alcohol consumption has dwindled to nearly none. I have never participated in illegal substances and have a difficult time taking prescribed ones. However, I must come clean and admit I am a relentless smoker. It is a horrible habit and I am fully aware of all the hazards of smoking. I have quit on several occasions, but failed at each attempt. Cancer, asthma and even death has not scared me in the slightest. I stare down at the cigarette burning in the ashtray and wonder how such a small thing could gain control of my life. The nicotine has seeped in and taken over my well-being, but yet I am unafraid.
Fear is described as a concern, anxiety or distressing emotion. I have passed the concern part and headed full speed ahead down the road of anxiety. The smallest of issues can make me feel paralyzed and afraid of making the wrong choice. Once something triggers my fear the first thing I do is reach for a cigarette. The cigarette does not calm my nerves, it only sends my nervous energy into overdrive. Are we seeing the pattern that is forming here. My nicotine habit is fueled by fear, but my fear or anxiety is being fed by the nicotine. It is an endless cycle that is only creating wealth for the tobacco companies and my therapist.
I have been analyzing my reasons for not quitting for some time now. But this reason appears to be the best one yet. According to my theory I do not have to be held liable for my bad habit due to it was a premeditated plot by not only tobacco industries, but the health industries as well. Being the thinker that I am, it is also within reason to say that credit card companies, banks, and my mortgage lender were all in this plot too. These companies assist in creating my stress which drives me to smoking. Does this sound ridiculous yet?
To the non-smoker all this should sound rather ridiculous, but to others smokers like me it might lead them to go hire an attorney. I know that my true reason for not quitting is my lack of will power and determination. But mostly the lack of sense in understanding that I am cutting my time short with my family and friends. It is no ones fault but my own that I have chosen for many years to let a cigarette dictate my well-being. If you do not smoke then kudos to you and please publish articles on how to deal with anxiety in an effective manner for the rest of us. If you are a smoker, please analyze yourself and determine what is really behind the bad habit. We should start taking responsibility for our actions and free up some of the court's docket's. Oh! Wait a minute that would mean dealing with the real criminals.