Cloudy Eyes - A Pet Loss Story

 


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Yesterday seemed like a normal day, and I had a great time at work. At around 9:30 my girlfriend and I were talking on the phone and my dad came into my room saying he needed to talk to me. I was puzzled but said I would call my girlfriend back. I had no idea if I did something wrong, but I can tell on the look of his face something was the matter. He sat down next to me on my bed and explained how they had brought my dog Minnie to the vet. I had seen her that day, which was yesterday, and she seemed normal. He proceeded to tell me tomorrow is her last day alive, that we are putting her to sleep. I was shocked at what he had told me, so it didn’t really affect me yet. It felt like a bad dream. I called my girlfriend back and we talked about it. Later that night I went downstairs and got Minnie and took her back upstairs to my room. I put her on my bed and pet her, I wanted her to stay with me that last fateful night. I still didn't feel sad really, since the dog was just at my legs. When I pet her I could feel that warmth from her body. I fell asleep. The next morning I woke up, showered, and pet the dog. We took pictures of her with our cat and each other. Then we drove off to the vet which is a good half an hour away. She sat with me in the back of the car leaning up against me. To me she seemed fine, like nothing was wrong. You could tell she was blind since both her eyes were cloudy. That didn’t make me love her any less. Still, she was near me, so I didn’t feel sad or anything of the sort. I still felt that warmth when she layed next to me and I put my head on hers.

We arrive at the vet’s office, and get out of the car. Minnie is on a leash. I finally see how bad it is for her to merely walk. When she walked around the house she had it all mapped out in her mind, so that’s why she seemed ok to me. As we made out way to the vets office door she almost walks into the curb, a bush, and the doorframe.

When we get into the office my mom talks to the lady behind the counter. I still don’t feel sad, even though I do know my dog will never be with me, but it hadn’t sunk into my mind yet. Eventually a lady comes through the door and leads us to a small room with a silver table for the dog to sit on, some chairs, and other things. We walk in; the lady tells us the vet will be in a few minutes. We sit with Minnie on the floor, pet her, and tell her that we love her.

- -Flashback - -

In elementary school I had a dog named Manny who had cancer. We brought him to this same exact place the day after Christmas. He had to be put asleep. But I didn’t stay in the room, nor did my sister. My parents thought it would be best if we didn’t see Manny die. I was still very sad, but I was glad my parents made that decision. It was best. . .

- - - - - - - -

The door in the small rooms opens. My dad picks up Minnie and places her on the table in the room. The vet injects something into Minnie to make her calm. Over a ten minute period, Minnie gets really, really tired. She’s laying down when the vet comes back in. It was time. . . .

The vet’s helper shaved some of Minnie’s fur from her front left leg, and put some substance on it. The vet pulled out a syringe filled with a pink substance. I looked down at Minnie, still I wasn’t crying, or anything. She injects the substance, I watch Minnie’s blood recede into the syringe. I feel it dent my heart. I glance at Minnie. The whole time I hold her right front paw. I feel the warmth, its still there. I look at her eyes, still fully open. My mom is hugging her, my dad on the other side petting her. The vet pulls the syringe away and checks Minnie’s heart beat. I still am holding Minnie’s paw, and stare into her eyes, those little cloudy eyes. I knew she couldn’t see me, but she could sense me, she knew her family was there to care and love her in her last minute of life. Over the course of the minute I watch Minnie’s eyes slowly close, I still feel the warmth though. Her eyes fully shut, the vet waits a few seconds and announces Minnie is now gone. At around 12:58 AM, she is gone. I still hold her paw, and I feel a tear roll down my cheek onto my nose. I had never witnessed something so. . . so final. My dog that I had for over a decade is gone in a mere ten minutes. I still hold her paw, and I kiss her forehead. My mom is crying, I even see sadness in my dad’s eyes. I start to feel tears from my eyes. The warmth pulled away, I felt Minnie grow colder. The vet leaves and said we can have time with Minnie alone. We hug, pet, and kiss Minnie. We tell her she is a good dog, and that we love her. I kiss her on her cheek and whisper to her that I am going to miss her. I couldn’t believe what happened.

This dog had been sleeping on my bed last night, it was at our last Christmas. I will never come home to my dog greeting me, or to take out for a walk, or play fetch with. I looked back and wished I had done these things more for Minnie. I didn’t know she was so sick either.

I put my hand back towards her paw and grab hold of it and kiss her again. I look into her lifeless eyes. I know she is gone, but her shell remains in front of me. I felt like she was only asleep, and I wanted to just wake her up, but I couldn’t. We decided it was time to go. We say our final good-byes. I hold her paw again, kiss her cheek again and move towards the door with my parents. I look back at her on the way out. The lifeless little body of Minnie laying there. Something that made me so happy was gone. I didn’t know I had something so special. I took my dog for granted. I looked away from her, and walked out. I missed that warmth that I had felt before. I started to cry even more. My parents and I walked outside.

We got into the car. I took the blanket Minnie had been laying on and hugged it and wiped away my tears with it,

It all feels like just a dream. When seeing her die, and walking out, and in the car, I thought about her past and the good times. The day we got her, playing fetch with her, Christmas, her barks, how she used to love to run, how we'd yell at her for eating the cats food, how she slept at my feet, how I could always find her when I got home sleeping on my parents pillows, hugging her, and that warmth, that warmth that I would never feel from her little body again.

(1371)

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