OK, parents of loss, it's just us here now. You can let the tears flow, no one is going to turn away or try to avoid you. Have you tried to join a group like Compassionate Friends? They have branches throughout North America. Also if your child has been murdered there is an organization in the U. S. called POMC you can google them. In Canada it is called AFPAD. They might help.
Why am I writing this article. . . . I ask myself this. . . . I guess after 5 years I still cry when I awake every morning. So, maybe this is an attempt at self-help. I don't talk about my pain. No one can truly understand what I am going through except for people who have suffered a similar loss of a child. I feel these overwhelming surges of guilt. I can only breath deeply in and out, in and out, waiting for the pain to subside. I moved away from the city because of the pain. Some people do the opposite. They stay, to be close. I joined Compassionate Friends. It is a really good group, but I don't go anymore. But you should. It is a place to cry and talk and share with your own kind.
Aren't we from an alien planet? We see things differently from earthlings. When I see a parent angry with their child for some stupid reason, I think “You wouldn't be so angry if you knew this was his last day on earth. "
I wish I could help. I got on anti-depressants about a year after my child vanished without a trace. So I have been on Efexor for 4 years. I have tried to get off of them but I find I cry all the time. So I start using them again. But I think the only way to move forward is to stop using anti-depressants to complete the mourning process. But you CANNOT just stop using anti-depressants. It can be VERY DANGEROUS. You must be followed by a physician or a psychologist.
By the way, the killer was caught but a deal was made between the crown and the defence and he got 7 years in jail. And since he was held for 2 years before the sentencing, it counts double so that is 4 years, with parole he will be out after serving only 22 months in jail for killing my child. So, there is no justice. But does it really matter? Would I feel better if he got life in prison? Probably yes. . .
I know there are many people with a similar loss and living with great pain. How do you cope? I keep very busy. I left the city and bought a ranch with horses. I think that horses really do help. Horse therapy works. I also write a lot but not about this subject. I have a website about horses. I also have a very supportive family (We never talk about my child, I guess the pain is too great or they just don't want me breaking down all of the time) but my family is there for me. I also have a lot of pets. If you don't like animals then that would not be a comfort for you.
I think about fostering a child in need. But I am broken, what help would I be to a child damaged by life? But it is a good idea for some people. I read a novel about a couple who after losing their twin daughters in a flood adopt a young boy. It is called Buffalo Soldiers (or Buffalo Soldier).
Or join the Foster Parent Plan.
Any other ideas out there?
You can reach me by logging on to my website http://www.living-with-horses.com and clicking on Contact.
Living with horses is an informative website about horse care, horse ranch life . I write about how to completely change from City Life to Horse Ranch Life. It does help!
My very best to all of you. Take care of yourselves.