The Secret to Letting Go of Anger

Jack Elias

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Anger comes from a sense, usually unconscious, of being small and lacking. This sense makes us cling to lower self qualities. Having lists of specific Higher and Lower Self qualities (like Patience, Kindness, Empathy, Compassion, Encouraging, Courage, and Gentleness vs. fearfulness, complaining, doubting, negative judging, shaming, and blaming) makes it easier to identify and shift our mood and state more effectively than just having a general idea like, “I want to be a higher state. "

I shared these with a client who was being challenged in their life by someone whom they perceived as blocking them from having something very important to them. It was going to be very important for the client to be at her best when they met.

The client wanted to be in a good state - no argument there, but when, I suggested that beyond picking Higher Self qualities to connect with, she would be more powerful if she envisioned and prayed for the other person to be in Higher Self qualities as well. This was initially resisted - until she saw how silly it was to try to be in Higher Self qualities while holding onto a bad opinion of the other person based on fear, blame and resentment - Lower Self qualities.

Important Tip - change your vision of self and other, not just self!

Her willingness was then established to pray for her adversary as well as for herself. However, when I asked her to wholeheartedly envision herself manifesting the qualities of her choice, she felt imposed upon - the word ‘wholeheartedly’ triggered a sense of impossible performance standard.

I quickly realized I often met this response to this word and also to the words ‘persistent’ and ‘constant. ’ Spiritual instructions often use these words: pray constantly, make wholehearted effort, be persistent in your remembrance of God. I remember when I would get discouraged hearing such instructions, taking them as admonitions to uphold an impossible standard that I know I was incapable of.

Then one of my teachers explained that to be wholehearted, constant, or persistent meant to make a concerted focused effort for even just 5 minutes daily and relax and let go. The key was doing it daily for at least 5 minutes, and if you could do it in the same place and at the same time, so much the better. But then relax and let it go. If your affirmation or object of contemplation returns to your mind during the day, fine, but you don't have to try to hold on to it every minute. She felt much better when I explained this.

So here is your invitation: Pick a short affirmation like, “I am healthy and happy, " or “I succeed with grace and ease, " or whatever works for you - refer to the Higher Self list of qualities and pick one you wish to be planted and growing within you.

Four more tips: Make your statement short and positive. Don't be concerned about it being “true. " Just repeat it for 5 minutes, not 15 seconds, daily for one month - for 5 minutes and then let to go. But daily! Enjoy the results.

Have an exuberant day, every day! (Hey, that could be your affirmation!)

Copyright 2006, Jack Elias, All Rights Reserved.


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