Self Worth Via Fight, Flight or Freeze


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Three choices and which do you choose? In this article we are going to discuss fight. For the purposes of this article we use the word fight to mean; argue, dispute, disagree, confront, resist, combat or any other word along this line.

There are so many different manifestations of this coping strategy and I will choose this one. You are at a party and are among people you know and some that are new to you. As the evening progresses you get into a conversation with someone who seems to have an opinion different than yours. Your new mission in life is to tell this person “how it really is”. They need your help and you are willing to tell them the “facts”.

Unfortunately it turns into an argument and the evening is ruined not only for you but many others at the party. You leave wondering what is wrong with those people. They should have backed you up in telling that person how wrong they were and you are going to let them know that, next time you see them.

What happened here? The first thing to consider is, did the other person really have a different opinion than you? I know many people that at parties they take the opposite opinion just to make conversation. Or the other person may have a Ph. the area of conversation and truly be the world expert. You heard some comment on the radio and took it as the truth when it really was not.

The point is your strategy for maintaining your self confidence is to fight anyone who does not agree with you. How is that working for you? In the words of an old friend of mine, “I already know my own story, I prefer to hear what the others are thinking”. He often does not always agree but every now and then he learns something.

Basically somewhere in your life someone of greater power than you squashed an idea of yours that you really liked. Subconsciously or otherwise you said that would not happen again, not without a fight! Now many argue (no coincidence) this is the way great change happens and I agree.

The question then gets asked “Was what you were talking about at the party going to change the world and make it a better place? If so then argue away, but if it was about what’s the better way to eat chicken, then you need to take a slow deep breath.

That is the start to get through the fight response, as once you have ‘pulled the trigger’ and started arguing it is likely too late to back down now. Instead take a deep breath and treat it like a science project. See if the other person really does have something interesting to say. Their opinion may actually add to your present understanding or even be the missing link to tie your theories altogether.

Did you find this advice on increasing self confidence useful? For more real world techniques go to Building Bullet Proof Self-Confidence. self confidence


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