I have worked with people who are all over the map when they’re asked what do they want. It’s a mixture of their parents’ dreams, family obligations, fantasy, roles they play, fatigue, boredom and a dash of high drama. Let’s simplify the process and look at the areas of your life. Take a moment to be still. Close your eyes and take three deep breaths. Now, ask yourself what do I REALLY want? If I had a clean slate, a new beginning and could really have what I want, what would it be? Now look at the list below. Write, without censoring. Write the first things that come to your mind in each of these areas.
Now get a sense of how you would feel if we waved a magic wand and all of your desires came true. You’ve just written a picture, a snap shot of what your best life will look like. If you’ve skipped this step, then stop. Go back and complete this step. Really, I insist. You can’t do that if you don’t know where you’re going. This is the key step in achieving what you want right now.
LIVING SOMEONE ELSE’S DREAMS
It is not uncommon to play a role and live someone else’s script in your 20’s and 30’s. Not everyone does this, but if you had strong, controlling parents you may have been told what to be/do or you may have unconsciously picked up on their unfulfilled dreams. These scripts can be positive or negative. It can range any where from: marry a rich man; settle down early; don’t get married; become a doctor… lawyer…truck driver to the more negative: you’ll never amount to anything; you’re just lazy; you’re stupid; you’ll be pregnant and dropout of school before you’re 18.
If you recognize yourself as a person who is living someone else’s dreams, it’s time to take stock and change. Now, write down the scripts you’ve adopted from others.
What are the roles/dreams/scripts I’ve adopted from others that are not really mine?
Now write what role/dream you really want for your life:
NEED FOR APPROVAL
This area too, is large during our teens, twenties and thirties. Somehow, you got the idea that you are more loveable, or only loveable if others approve of you. The problem with this is that you’re ruled by approval instead of your own core values and inner compass.
LACK OF SELF LOVE
Self Love is the feeling and knowing that you are loveable, you accept yourself. You love yourself and you appreciate yourself. To begin loving yourself is easy but takes some practice.
Now, for the next 7 days simply repeat to yourself: I (Your Name)_love, appreciate and accept myself. If something negative comes up just say “I release that thought with love. " Whenever you hear your inner voice say something negative just tell yourself “Release" and say a positive kind statement.
SHAKY PERSONAL FOUNDATION
Some folks are simply not basing their lives on solid ground. You will know this if you answer yes to many of the following statements.
_ I have one or more addictions including alcohol, overeating, overspending, gambling, drugs or sex.
_ I am still angry, upset or spending a great deal of time thinking about and blaming others for my past.
_ I do not have integrity i. e. , I do not tell the truth to others and myself, I am not living in alignment with my values, I have repeatedly hurt others with my actions.
_ I overspend my money most of the time. I do not have financial reserves or a financial plan.
_ I have poor boundaries. I allow others to overstep in my life and feel drained, guilty or angry when they do.
_ I have low standards for myself. I do not expect much from myself and deliver little.
_ I mistreat my body.
_ I don’t know what I value.
_ I hate my work.
_ I can’t sustain long term relationships including friendships.
If you see yourself as not having a strong foundation then you will need to choose several areas of your life to build or re-build that sturdy foundation. Working with Dr. Fanning, Life Coach can accelerate this process.
Habits can make or break your success. We often give to much power over to thinking something is a habit. There are lots of programs to break habits. For now, simply acknowledge that habits may hold you back and begin to state to yourself what your REALLY want and that you are willing to change.
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Dr. Iris Fanning is a Nationally recognized Success Coach. Dr. Fanning is a graduate of Coach University, Honorary Doctorate in Divinity, M. A.degree in Psychology, Counseling & Guidance and a B. S.degree in Psychology. Additionally Iris is the self published author and in demand public speaker. Enroll in Life By Design Group Coaching for your best year in 2007 at: http://www.irisfanning.com