Connecting To Who You Truly Are

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD

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Connecting to who you truly are means being real, honest, authentic and present. It is having the ability to see things as they are and get on with life without needless strife or heartache.

Many who are disconnected from themselves are unaware of being disconnected. Here is a short quiz.

1. Do you take on more than you can handle? Being connected to yourself has to do with understanding your limits and boundaries. People who are disconnected are often unclear about their limits and boundaries.

2. Are you stressed often? Taking on too much and avoiding areas of life you prefer not to examine create stress—often extreme stress.

3. Do you engage in activities and/or thoughts that could be a way to escape unpleasant aspects of your life? These can be obvious escapes like alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, over eating, gambling, buying things you don’t need and/or can’t afford—a. k. a. shopaholic. These activities can be subtle and socially acceptable, such as excessive TV watching or spending all your time with family, friends or pets with little or no time spent taking care of yourself. Any preoccupation that you suspect, deep inside is a waste of time and perhaps an escape, probably is at least to some degree keeping you disconnected from yourself.

4. Do you say, ‘Yes, ’ more often than you say, ‘No, ’ when asked a favor or request? The right to say, ‘No, ’ is inextricably intertwined with the ability to make choices. When we sense we are limited in our options, compelled to say, ‘Yes, ’ even when doing so is not in our best interest, we are effectively robbed of our ability to choose. Moving away from the tendency to say, ‘Yes, ’ when, saying, ‘No, ’ is your usual response can be challenging because you fear that others will reject you for your decision. Paradoxically, the reward you can enjoy by facing this challenge is true freedom of choice, which is far more rewarding than the absence of possible conflict, criticism, or rejection.

5. Do you want everything to be perfect? Do you hear yourself think/say, “I must be perfect, wonderful, and correct in every way. I must succeed in everything I do. I must get top marks and win. ” Having a ‘be perfect’ frame of reference leads to—Fears of failure and losing control, and subsequent over-compensation. Over-work. Not finishing things for fear of criticism. Expecting others to be perfect too.

6. Are you a caretaker? You take care of everyone else as a way of feeling better about yourself.
7. Are you a doormat? You accept verbal or physical abuse in a relationship because you believe it is all you can expect.

8. Are you self-absorbed? You only listen to others when it directly refers to you. You become bored when the conversation moves to another topic.

9. Are you more than a little competitive? You view most situations as a potential arena for competition where you can prove something or ‘keep count’ of who is ahead.

10. Do you engage in subtle competition? Instead of seeking ways to establish direct connections or communication with another, you think of how to promote yourself in ways that are subtle enough so that your hunger for self-importance will go noticed.

If you answered, ‘Yes, ’ to one or more of these questions you need to reflect on what you need to do to connect to your authentic self. Doing so will bring great fulfillment and peace of mind.

Reconnecting to your authentic self has to do with getting back to basics. One gives up some habits and meaningless indulgences, quieting down and focuses on simpler ideas. This can be horribly boring at first, but part of the idea is to still the mind long enough to reflect. Like teenagers, people who are disconnected from themselves often crave excitement in the outside world.

Reconnecting to your authentic self is the conscious slowing down and tuning into the basics. All successful people practice staying connected, though often unconsciously, as it is where creativity and authenticity arises.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, 101 Great Ways To Improve Your Life, motivational speaker and Mind, Body, Spirit healing. As an inspirational leader, Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life's challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening.


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