It's hard enough to come to terms with the actual impact of abuse, but the side effects just add to the weight of recovery.
The impact on self belief and confidence can be massive. It can also make a huge dent in self-respect. It becomes all to easy to withdraw into a world of self-abuse - drugs, food, alcohol and other substances that harm the body - when you feel pretty worthless.
I'm not sure there is an easy route to overcoming abuse. For me, abuse was a dark place covered in layers of webbing I didn't really understand. Sometimes I'd behave in a way that wasn't warranted by a situation and not know why. Other times I'd shrink into the background and hope no one would notice me. Sometimes, for days, I'd go into a black mood and just want to avoid contact with the world.
Of course this makes you a difficult person to employ. Keeping a job or getting enough money to get by on can then become a problem. When money is low and your self-worth is poor it seems that everything around you pulls in and leaves you feeling like a victim.
If you're in that place in life where things are awful and you want to change it, I want you to know you can change things. Like I said above, there may not be an easy route, but there is a route.
A good place to start is to accept that as of today you are in charge of your life. From this understanding start to think about what you'd like the rest of your life to be about.
Who do you want to become?
This is an important question. In the past you were a victim. But the past does not have to equal the future. If you don't want to continue to be a victim then you have to route out all behaviour in you that is a victim or encourages people to bully you.
This doesn't mean you have to become the bully. If you learn from your experience and ensure you never become a person who forces anyone to do anything against their will you have made a bold choice. Find people who have the attributes you would like.
If you want peace in your heart find people who have peace in their heart and ask them how they manage it achieve it. If you want happiness find a happy person and ask how they do it. If you want love, find a loving person and ask how they manage to be loving even in the hardest circumstance.
If you don't feel you can ask, then read books, listen to CD or watch people.
When you start to explore you'll begin to find there are billions of teachers in the world, all with something to share with you. All you have to do is be willing to let go of the past and make a positive step forward.
With love and best wishes for your journey.
I hope that my newsletter, on creating a better life, will help you create a life you deserve. Find out more at http://www.neilmillar.net