This is one of those if I had a nickel conversations: If I had a nickel for everyone who says to me the wedding is all about the bride and I added to that the nickel for everyone who gets irritated when the groom wants in on the planning process, I'd be rich beyond my wildest imaginings! But frankly, I can think of better ways to make money - I want to work with brides and grooms who are happy and involved.
I have a serious prejudice that I am about to share with you. In my book, the wedding ceremony is the heart of the wedding. The wedding is about the couple's making the promises in which (and into which) they will live for a lifetime. The wedding is not about the bride's dress or her penchant for pale almond and iris. Pushing the groom to the side or asking him to “indulge" his bride profoundly distorts what the day should be about.
When I work with couples and both partners begin to understand that when the wedding ceremony is the center of the day that they stand to increase their chances for a long-lasting marriage, both are eager to opt in. And, why not?
(Here's a favorite stories about one of my grooms: When I start with a couple I normally will say to them we are likely to have 4-8 meetings. This groom was clear: It will only be four for us. Hah! I finally had to say, no, really both of you are ready for this! No more meetings!) Who doesn't want to be included? Who is not interested to realize that your getting married is a wonderful, sacred activity? Marriage is not something that should ever just happen to you! You should do it consciously, boldly and with great delight!
Are you up for some homework in preparation for working on your wedding ceremony? Aside from all the who, what, where, and when questions that I ask so all the wedding particulars are down on paper, here are some pieces of information you might want to prepare before you start to think about creating the ceremony:
Who are you as individuals?
- What's your work?
- What's your family history?
- What's your relationship history?
Who are you as a couple?
- How did you meet?
- What's your relationship story?
- Why have you decided to marry now?
- What does it mean to be married?
- What does marriage mean to you in general?
- What will marriage mean with this particular partner?
Bottom Line?: Hey, you wonderful Brides, you can trust me on this, Grooms want to be a part of their wedding! There are many small rituals you can include in your wedding ceremony to make your ceremony perfect for both of you. And now I'd like to invite you back to my website to receive 2 free templates for creating the wedding vows that will create a marriage that lasts forever: http://annkeelerevans.org/weddings/free
The Rev. Ann Keeler Evans - helping you move from “I do" to happily and healthily ever after.