There are many men that feel they are a “nice guy" and that women are crazy to pass them over. Well, I have some news for you dudes.
Nobody cares that you are “nice. "
See, the problem is that “nice" guys put themselves on some sort of pedestal. Nice guys like to think they are superior to other men, that they are better at relationships, and that by virtue of their “niceness" are more deserving of a woman's romantic attentions.
From experience I can tell you that “nice" guys are not as nice as they like to think. Most “nice guys" are whiney, close-minded, judgmental, spineless, controlling, and weak. Women do not like weak, whiney, judgmental men. Ergo, women do not like “nice" guys.
Women want MEN - decisive, action oriented, determined, aggressive. Sadly, sometimes that comes bundled with a liar and a cheat which is what the “nice" guys point to and the reason they say women are crazy.
But who said that every woman SHOULD want a “nice" guy? Who made that a law? Why do “nice" guys condemn women for choosing thrill seeking, impulsive men with a bad boy edge? In other words, choices that exclude “nice" guys?
Being a “nice guy" does not win you any brownie points in the dating game! Never has, never will. You win at dating when you give the opposite sex what they want. Even if a woman is your wife, you still have to have a spine, still stand strong and remain in control of yourself as a man should.
The bottom line that you “nice" guys need to understand is this: when women are young they are not interested in settling down and being serious. Why would a girl want some clingy, overly solicitous codependent around? Young women want to HAVE FUN. And the best men to have fun with are impulsive, thrill seekers that have an edge. . . males that exude testosterone and inspire passion and desire with their games and lies.
Which is why “nice" guys that project neediness, that go out of their way to please women with the expectation of getting something in return get passed over.
"I was so nice to her, why doesn't she love me?
I deserve to have someone love me more than those players do!" the nice guys say.
No you don't. But if you want to get the girls you need to be the type of guy that never allows a woman to tell him what to do or to control him in any way. Certainly, in a marital partnership there is established trust and decisions are made with input of both parties for the betterment of the family. But we are talking about dating here, not marriage. Just remember, once you allow a woman to have the upper hand in the relationship, she loses respect for you. And when a woman loses respect for a man, she loses her *** attraction for him as well. She sees you as a brother, and normal people do not feel *** attracted to their siblings. You are subsequently put in The Friend Zone and you are never coming out. If the two were dating, she will ultimately declare that “he's too nice" and dump him out of boredom.
There is hope for you guys though.
Bad boy types stay exciting for a few years, then most women move on. Once the play is out of their system (just like in guys), people change their perspectives on life. Their choices in lifestyle, dress, and romantic partners change as well.
As a woman heads into her 30s she transitions and begins to look for a husband and father for her children. She will look for slightly different qualities in her mate and put more emphasis and higher value on personal qualities like honesty, work ethic, family values, responsibility, and similar lifestyle than she does on excitement and sex appeal.
However, even if a woman is 50 years old, she does NOT want a weak, whiney, judgmental, superior acting dude! Every woman on this planet wants a guy that she sees as attractive, exciting and sexy - she just wants him to be committed and devoted to her and the kids at the same time.
Finding the right woman for you is simply a matter of you matching whatever it is that a woman is looking for. If you fit her needs, you're in. If you aren't chosen Mr. “Nice" Guy, that simply means you don't fit her needs. No matter how “nice" a guy you might perceive yourself to be, you aren't the RIGHT guy for her.
(c) 2008 Deborrah Cooper. Deborrah has been involved in the relationships field for close to 20 years. She's authored dozens of relationship articles and writes a weekly advice column using the pen name “Ms. HeartBeat. " Her works appear on the website AskHeartBeat.Com , which focuses on modern dating issues and relationships for both teens and adults. Her Top Black Books of 2007 award winning dating guide Sucka Free Love - How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional and The Deranged! provides witty, street-smart and hilarious insight into the toughest issues facing singles today. Find out more about or order your copy by clicking on this link Sucka Free Love.Com