Is happily ever after a concept that should only exist in fairy tales? Although no couple in love enters a marriage already thinking about divorce, it is a possibility that would have to be faced sooner or later. What if the romance starts fizzling out? What if you wake up one day and you find that you are not in love with your spouse anymore? What if you grow apart or what if your spouse starts cheating on you?
Once you start dwelling on the negative things which can possibly happen within a marriage, then you are not necessarily off to a good start. Sure, you are bound to encounter these issues at one point or another. But given the right attitude and as long as you and your spouse are willing to work through whatever issues it is that you have, then you can still give things a second try no matter how bleak the situation seems to be.
Three Basic Mistakes to Not Make in a Marriage
If you are currently trying to look for ways to save your marriage, a good way to start is to realize what the most common mistakes are so that you can avoid them:
- Falsely reassuring your spouse that if you stay married, things will change.
When you are in the middle of an argument, bargaining with your spouse is the last thing that you’d want to do. For a husband to save face, for example, he would use a line which goes a bit something like this: “If you forgive me and we stay married, things will definitely change for the better. ”
Bargaining with your spouse is not something that you’d want to do in the middle of a fight. Change because you want to, not because you are trying to beg for forgiveness in order to be given another chance.
- Lying to your spouse – and to yourself – about your feelings.
If you are suffering from an unhappy marriage, do not lie to yourself or to your spouse about your feelings. Look deep within you and ask yourself whether you still want to give the marriage another go, and if your feelings are still the same as it was when you were first married.
- Using guilt as a tool in fighting with your spouse into submission.
More importantly, do not use guilt as a tool in fighting. Let go of such negative feelings so that you can hash things out and see whether the marriage is still worth saving.
When to Seek Marriage Counselling
If you committed any of these mistakes and the issues within your marriage have already piled up, seek the help of a professional psychotherapist. Through marriage counselling (bedste parterapi is the phrase we use in Denmark) , you and your spouse would see things from an objective eye. You can work through issues which may not even be addressed if it’s just the two of you. Finally, the marriage counselling sessions will require you to go through certain exercises to help resolve the issues within your marital relationship, and give it another shot at working.