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Divorce Advice: how Arguments save, not end Marriages

 


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It may have long been claimed that arguments amongst a married couple are little more than precursor to divorce, but, according to several experts, this is simply not the case.

Arguments, they claim, do not cause divorce alone; it is the manner in which a couple argue that promote disdain and marital separation. Disputes should be seen as an opportunity to discuss frustrations and raise complaints and both spouses should come out of an argument with a feeling of satisfaction, not the kind of resentment that makes a divorce inevitable. There is, the experts claim, two types of argument: constructive and destructive.

A constructive argument sees a couple express their feelings and seek resolution to what may be ailing them, destructive arguments see the couple berate, mistreat and abuse one another. In other words, constructive arguments are good, destructive arguments cause divorce.

In many respects, of course, this is good news. All couples argue and many fear the potential reprisals of their disagreements. Knowing that arguments can in fact be positive means that we now know that arguments need not end in divorce or marital alienation. Better yet, it is claimed that provided a spouse can identify when an argument has become destructive, then they can engage in behaviour which can effectively turn the argument into a constructive one.

So, by controlling yourself during an argument, you can effectively turn a bad thing into a good thing. The fact that this could help to avoid divorce and maintain a happy marriage goes without saying, but what exactly do you need to do?

The keys to this particular divorce-busting technique revolve around the need to identify your partner’s feelings and express any complaint or worry that you may have without criticising them. Oh, and, above all else, make sure that you’ve actually identified what you want to complain about first. It’s far from uncommon for a spouse to inform their partner of something that’s bothering them when it’s actually something completely different. It can be hard to recognise just what the problem is sometimes, so think it through before voicing your concerns.

All in all, make an effort to avoid destructive arguments and you’ll be far less likely to find yourself filing for divorce.

The Divorce Blogger writes for Quickie Divorce, the UK’s leading provider of online divorce .

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