Dating After Divorce: Secrets to Success

Tonja Weimer

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Does dating after divorce seem like a scary proposition to you? Would you like to know the secrets to success?

It's not easy being single again. You never planned on being back in this place of starting over from square one. This is not the life you signed up for-but, it's the one you got.

So. . . what can you do to get ready to start dating after divorce? Here are three secrets that can save you from heartbreak and lead you to greater success:

* Give yourself a year alone

This seems difficult for a lot of people, and it may be hard for you. You may want to believe the worst is behind you. You may be afraid of being alone and on your own. Or, you may feel that you were so lonely while you were in your marriage, you want to find a relationship that meets some of your needs. But everyone needs at least a year. You need time to grieve, read, talk with a counselor, spend quiet time, and heal. If you don't, you will have. . . baggage.

* Handling your baggage

Baggage is unresolved emotional issues. When you have previous relationships that you still feel angry, hurt, or in turmoil about, working these emotions through with a professional will help you save your next relationship. It is unrealistic to expect your next partner to help you work out your problems that have plagued you from the past. Your marriage might not have worked out the way you wanted it to, but that doesn't have to stop you from learning, growing, and getting ready for the rest of your life.

*Take kind, nurturing care of yourself

If you are divorced, you may be depressed, struggling with emotional or economic survival, and finding it difficult to face the day. You need to take extreme care of yourself. Start by getting some professional advice. If you can't afford counseling, visit your place of worship and ask for help. Take a look at your habits of exercise, rest, and food. Find a buddy and get specific with your plans, such as going to the gym three times a week. Keep only healthy foods in the house so you don't get hooked on sugar or junk food. And turn off the TV when the news is depressing or the shows are violent. Treat yourself the way a good mother would treat you-make yourself some chicken soup, curl up with your favorite blanket, and rest.

Being divorced is your time to recover yourself, rediscover your lost dreams, and build yourself up from the inside so you are ready to go out and meet other healthy people. Take this time to take good care of yourself.

Visit or for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article. )


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