How Not to Get Burned by Your Hot New Flame


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When the hot new guy in your life seems to enjoy your relationship as much as you do, it’s easy to assume that he feels the same way you do about your future potential. Receiving flattering attention from a new flame can be a dangerous trap that propels you into having sex too soon, when you should be using that time to discover what his true intentions toward you are.

If you’ve ever made this same mistake, don’t be hard on yourself about it, because assumptions about a new suitor happen easily. The guy who’s after casual sex is highly motivated to get along with you for at least a few weeks, which may be more than enough time for you to fall head over heels for him. The validation you get from being pursued by a desirable man can tempt you to project an unrealistic image of your future together based on nothing more than first impressions. While you may fantasize about being married to Mr. Wonderful, his only fantasies may be about sex. You won’t know if he’s excited about you because he thinks he’s met his soul mate or because he’s *** infatuated with you, unless the two of you talk about your possible future together. To complicate the situation, he may fuel your dreams by telling you what you want to hear, which will cause your fantasies to escalate. When the truth comes out, it's a very long fall from those lofty heights back down to the hard ground of reality. How to avoid that crash landing? By remembering the following formula:

To Us:
Have a lot in common + The sex is good + See each other regularly = Relationship with long term potential

To the Men We’re Dating:
Have a lot in common + The sex is good + See each other regularly = Have a lot in common + The sex is good + See each other regularly

Here’s an assumption you can make that’ll help keep you out of trouble:


Making an assumption means you’ve come to a conclusion without having thought it through. Don’t let that happen here. Don’t let your emotions override your good judgment simply because you’re infatuated with Mr. Wonderful. Because if you choose to have sex with him instead of choosing to protect your emotions by waiting, you choose to value him more than you value yourself. Once again, understand that if you want Mr. Right to “love, honor and cherish you, ” then honor yourself by protecting your emotions, and by loving and cherishing yourself enough to believe you’re worth getting to know.

Rushing into sex risks too much too soon. If you give yourself to your guy before discovering his true feelings for you, communicating your needs can easily morph into making needy demands. Don’t give your most intimate self to a man who just wants a casual relationship. Because if his *** needs are being met, he’ll see no reason to meet your emotional needs thereafter. Having sex and assuming that the two of you therefore share an emotional bond can be a mistake. The truth may be that you feel bonded to him, but he may or may not feel bonded to you. Look beyond the immediate reward of being the recipient of his attention. Physical attraction to and infatuation with a man are poor reasons to have sex, if what you really want is to be courted by a marriage-minded Mr. Right. If you can postpone having sex with him, you’ll discover if he’s interested in a commitment with you, and if he isn’t, you can leave before your feelings for him deepen.

Dating Expert and Speaker Marcia Augustine is the author of Emotional Wavelengths: How to Tune In Marriage to Mr. Right. Set for a Fall 2006 release, you can now purchase a copy from her website at a special prepublication discount.


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