I have to admit something to you. I almost changed the title of this article, mostly because there is a very real possibility you're already thinking I'm about to write about something completely different than what I actually intend to address.
After all, there's plenty of mainstream dating advice out there that repeats a common theme: “All it takes is one. "
I've even heard certain guys whose work I respect otherwise utter that one.
And granted, for some people-men and women alike-it's kind of true. If they've had little success at meeting and attracting MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) in the past, then once they actually meet someone then they can breathe a sigh of relief.
So for the loneliest of the lonely out there, hearing “all it takes is ONE person" is just the pep talk they think they need.
Notice I used the word “they" in the previous couple of paragraphs instead of “you". You see, I have what I believe to be a far more interesting outlook on that “one person who likes you" concept than what I just described.
I mean after all, you know by now that I'm the last guy on Earth who is ever going to find “settling" acceptable for me, for you or for anyone else.
To be sure, “all it takes is one" is the title of a recipe for “settling". . . and that isn't exactly “comfort food", is it?
So forget for now the mantra that says, “If you can get ONE to like you, that's all you need. " Instead, here's a different way of looking at the world: If you can get ONE to like you, I can guarantee that there are others out there who will also.
And they're of equal quality, or even better.
Have you ever thought about it that way?
Admittedly, doing so involved getting outside your head and thinking like one who is in control of his or her own destiny instead of one who is at the whim of whatever happens around you.
Back when I was in high school, I generally assumed (like most guys my age, it turns out) that most of the girls couldn't possibly like me.
Then one day, this incredibly cute blondie named Cathy Rinehart walked up to me at soccer practice.
I'd seen her in the hallways. . . and in my dreams at night. And now here she was, out of nowhere coming over to talk to ME.
The fact that she was dressed in her field hockey outfit made things all the more intense.
For those of you guys out there not blessed to have gone to a school with either field hockey or lacrosse teams for the girls, let's just say that given the right girl a ponytail and a kilt in combination with Adidas cleats trumps a cheerleader uniform. . . almost every time.
Cathy was one of the cutest girls my 17-year-old mind had ever comprehended. And to this day, she probably still doesn't know that.
Well, as it turns out, Cathy didn't come talk to me about herself. And in retrospect, how crazy of an expectation would that have been of a 16-year-old girl anyway?
Instead, she looked at me with her big green eyes and pouty little smile and said, “Um. . . excuse me, aren't you Scot?"
Dumbfounded, I responded “Last time I checked" or “Only if you bought me something really nice. "
Nah. Actually, it was more like, “Duh. . . ummm. . . ah. . . [voice cracking and barely audible] yeah. . . I mean, um. . . YEAH. "
Cathy smiled brightly, turned and pointed toward the field hockey practice field about a hundred yards away, as if such an ever-present distraction needed pointing out.
"Oh good! Do you know who my friend Christa Jackson is?"
Scrambling, I feigned ignorance (the default mode of one with zero game, by the way), and stumbled over the words, “Uhhh. . . I'm not sure. Maybe not. "
Christa Jackson was Cathy's friend. Basically the brown-haired version of her, only with big blue eyes instead of green.
Had I been more creative than most sixteen-year-old boys back in 1983 I may have dreamed of both Cathy AND Christa at night. Instead, they had to take turns.
"Well, she kinda likes you. Omigod, she'd like KILL me if she knew I was telling you this-but I think you should talk to her. OK. . . bye!"
She gave me that little wave with the middle two fingers that girls her age do, and skipped back over to field hockey practice.
The fog of what had just happened not having lifted yet, it failed to occur to me how silly it was that Christa wouldn't have been aware that her best friend was 100 yards away talking to me, and how therefore she must have been directly behind putting Cathy up to talking to me.
So instead, what did I do? I waited a full two weeks before getting the nerve to approach Christa, somehow rationalizing and over-analyzing the open invitation I'd been given.
But when I DID finally meet her, and suggested we hang out sometime, she giggled and said, “Okay, sure! I was wondering when you were ever going to talk to me. . . I thought maybe you didn't like me. "
I'm telling you. . . even from an early age, female human beings want us as guys to take the lead.
So Christa Jackson became my steady girlfriend. . . almost immediately.
Having somehow “lucked" into my situation, so I reasoned, I wasn't ABOUT to let that little chick go. Soon I obsessed over her. . . ultimately to the point where she called me one night after about five months of all this and told me, “Um. . . I think we should break up. But we can still be friends. "
We've been over the “Just Be Friends" talk and how “one-itis" causes it. No need to reiterate that.
Instead, here's the real point in this context: I had AUTOMATICALLY assumed that PURE LUCK had caused Christa Jackson to like me.
Since it apparently had nothing to do with any REAL reason why a girl would be attracted to me, it followed logically in my mind that this was an isolated instance that I'd better milk for all it was worth.
So when she liked me, I grabbed hold and wouldn't let go.
And when she ditched me, I was a babbling mess in need of psychiatric help.
But here's the weird part.
A couple of days later, I called a girl from another nearby high school who I had met on a weekend trip a few months prior. She had given me her number (probably because she actually liked me). Now that Christa had bailed on me, I used it.
Ironically, she was another little blondie with green eyes, like Christa's friend Cathy.
Equally ironically, she was at least as cute as either Christa or Cathy.
Most ironically, she said “YES" enthusiastically when I suggested we should hang out sometime.
I felt flat-out stupid for having thought Christa Jackson was my only option.
And let me tell you, stupidity turned to flat-out nausea when I read what some of the girls wrote in my yearbook after graduation my senior year.
Clearly, I had squandered MANY, MANY opportunities with very cute girls all throughout high school.
Why? Because I didn't think any of them could possibly REALLY like me.
But all the while the truth had been that Christa wasn't a “fluke". She was a perfectly rational girl, able to decide for herself what guy she likes and why.
So were (and are) the others out there.
In fact, it's safe to assume that ALL women are. . . no matter whether they're 16 or 116, or anywhere in between. (Well, 116 is pushing it. . . but you get my point)
Guys, here it is: If ONE woman likes you, there ARE OTHERS out there who will also. And ladies, that holds true for us guys also.
Bet on it. Roll the dice and bet BIG on it. “Luck" has nothing to do with it.
If you are attractive to the FIRST person who comes along, there WILL be a SECOND. And a THIRD. And a FOURTH.
I already hear some of the excuses you might have.
I realize not EVERYONE is going to like you. That's not an excuse, that's human nature.
In fact, at least one of my friends back in high school used to be quick to tell me, “Dude, Christa's not all THAT, man. " His girlfriend was a completely different kind of girl, so it was all good. To each his own. But Christa didn't really care what he thought, as far as I could tell. And neither did I.
And nor should you care what those who AREN'T attracted to you think.
The point remains: If ONE likes you, OTHERS will too. In fact they, probably already do.
If you've had at least one member of the opposite sex show interest in you recently, you're CHEATING YOURSELF by considering that as having been a “freakish accident".
And hey, looking back, was the LAST time someone liked you a LONG time ago? All THAT means is that YOU HAVE IT IN YOU. You just have to put aside what's happened recently and GO BACK AND GET what's rightfully yours.
Maybe you are even brash enough to think that NOBODY has EVER been attracted to you. If that's the case, you've either been blind to how certain individuals have indicated their subtle interest in you, or you've completely neglected your social skills and or personal hygiene. And that, my friend, isn't the fault of any third party.
My point is that NO MATTER WHAT, you should have at one point or another experienced at least ONE person having shown interest in you. And that means that you should understand yourself as being INTERESTING to OTHERS out there also.
Do you refuse to “settle" and choose to deserve what you want instead? If so, you'll enjoy Scot McKay's refreshing approach to dating and seduction, yours to discover at: http://www.relationship-advice.us
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