If this is the inquiry, How to get your ex back? Then I am guessing something short of a natural catastrophe has made its way all the way through your worthless existence. Meaning homelife just isn't what it should be for you right now. Sucks doesn't it? You know what else sucks, that this was the thought running through my head when the dust settled and the door hit me in the back of the darn head. Sure we had difficulties, if you're together for 18 years that's the way of things, right?
On a regular basis at home we would get into the debate over whose right and whose wrong about something I thought happiness and joy may be attainable, but why was it up to me to make that a certainty She was the one to find fault with, not five seconds into the door and here came the bitching. Every opening she got she would make it apparent what I was or wasn't doing to her expectations. Over the years threats of her leaving were present, her actual words being “water your rose or it will wilt away and die" I was use to the battling, fearing coming home, figured the good days have passed now I am just along for the ride. Evidently I never took her threats very seriously, after that many years with each other she wasn't going to leave. I couldn't have been more incorrect. Mistaken about her threats and wrong about how I handled the wright wrong arguments.
This was a wakeup call, for months now I have been sopping up relationship information. Looking at articles, streaming videos, whatever I could get my hands on. Trying to figure out what went wrong, what led to the final result. Here’s what I have figured out. All this time I have had the ability to act and respond in a way that wouldn't have placed the blame on my spouse. Years of the same thought process, everything would be okay if she would just change… if she would just do this or do that etc. This wasn't about her it was about me getting control of myself in the relationship. I'm not talking about selling myself out while at the same time expecting her to change or making the entire relationship my responsibility.
I'm talking about truly bringing myself to the relationship. One question has been clear in the limitless amount of couple's material I have reviewed. What do I in reality want out of the relationship? This is what is meant by the term bring myself. I am learning the more I bring myself to the relationship the more the relationship is a correct expression of who I truly am. Bring openly what I feel, what I want, what i am thinking to the partnership, just be real. “Why is she being such a pain" “How come she is acting like?" Believe me, these were routine thoughts. I would either be biting my tongue for fear of fighting, or begin the back and forth, whose wright and whose wrong debate. Had I actually owned what I thought, let her know what I was thinking. For instance, “I want us to be kind to each other" “I want you to treat me pleasant. " I know, this doesn't sound like it will work while they are in such an highly emotional state. What if it just furthers their frustration, don't be fearful to speak up. The entire relationship dynamic will transform.
I am discovering we couples have no indication how to properly interact with each other even though the answer is just to be true to ourselves. Like I said earlier I am not talking about taking this all on singlehandedly, a partnership is just that. But more than likely one of the partners has to be genuine to themselves in order for their partner to get on board and let the relationship advance organically. The sub-conscious way of thinking “this is just how it is or this is just the way things are" has to stop. To speak it and own it is huge. It comes down to this, either we take the risk, be placed in a vulnerable state and go for what we want, or we say zilch, play it risk-free and continue the cycle. The true way to bring our presence to the relationship is to simply say what we want. Just remember there is no wright and wrong, this needs to be avoided. We have to get in the habit of saying “this is what I desire, this is what I need, this is what I feel" and equally important asking what they desire, what they need, what they feel.
We will never resolve the whose wright whose wrong arguments; we each have to work together in order to feel great around each other. Come to an understanding of what it is we truthfully want. We bring our truth and our partner brings theirs. This offers us and our partner the ability to begin from the position of being right, wrong doesn't exist. The key element in a relationship is having the clarity of what each of us really needs. We can develop our relationship to ourselves not develop ourselves to our relationship if we can be honest to who we truthfully are. Relationships are thriving, evolving things so by responding differently to challenging situations, the relationship itself will respond. Maintain consideration throughout and be honest to ourselves and our partner. Need strategies and videos on how to get back with your ex, stop by my blog.