Imagine for a moment what is important to you in your life. What would you miss if it wasn't there?
Home, job, husband, wife, partner, money I'm sure you can list many more.
So what do you do on a regular basis to make sure you keep all of those things? If you have a home I expect you pay the rent or the mortgage each month because if you didn't you would lose it.
If you have a job then if you did not do your best and turn up each day then you would lose that job. What you are doing is applying the right focus to those things to make sure you keep them.
What would have to happen for you to lose your relationship? The shocking truth is just carry on doing what you're doing. It's the best route to disaster. I have read several studies that all point to the same conclusion. Couples do not talk to each other. The reports are suggesting that couples spend on average 20 minutes per week or 3 minutes a day in focused meaningful conversation.
Think back to when you were dating. How much time did you spend in meaningful conversation and focused fun? If your date was 2/3 hours that's a lot of time and energy spent on you both. So why did you do that?
You did it because you had a goal. That goal was more dates, sex, love, marriage, great feelings, and fun, we all have our own agendas. But the bottom line was you felt great about you, your future and your partner. By dating, you created hope.
Now ask yourself how exciting does you future look now? If it does not look great and you are now bored you are entering the relationship danger zone. You can also guarantee that if you are feeling bored or unhappy then your partner is too. The less you communicate the worse it gets and before you know it either one of you is dreaming of a different life or an affair is on the horizon. The next step is to blame your partner or the relationship. You will feel resentment of not getting the life you thought you were going to get and this is likely to turn into a lack of respect. Once you get to that stage a break-up is very likely, is that what you really want?
Many couples complain that they have nothing to talk about and they are right, they have different jobs roles and lives the common factor they have is live under the same roof so what can they talk about? Kids, money, their day, the grass needs cutting, no wonder they don't want to talk.
So what did they discuss when they were first dating, what they talked about then was their future, they created exciting goals, of living together getting married, getting rich! Without goals, there would be no second date or a relationship and you can't create goals if you don't talk. Creating an exciting life together is your goal this is where you start.
You have not lost your love or your passion you are basically still the same people you both fell in love with, but by not communicating you have both successfully killed the relationship without realising. This is not the fault of the relationship it is the fault of the actions or lack of them.
You have both failed in applying the very thing your relationship needs for it to survive, an exciting future.
Start today, sit with your partner, and create a life together. What have you always dreamed of doing both personally and in the relationship? Decide and design the life you both want and then take the steps to achieve that life. Create small steps towards those bigger goals and work together at it.
Now you have lots to talk about and an exciting future of possibilities. In this world of plenty, the opportunities are endless. Get excited together, go, and get the life you know you both deserve.
Take action now and rediscover yourself and your partner again.
This article was written by Stephen Hedger Relationship Coach and author. With 10 years experience and research in the field of human behaviour in the context of relationships Stephen has many more practical steps you can take to achieve relationship success fast. Plus if you want to find out more and get free relationship advice click here