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The Infernal Triangle - Men and Mistresses

Jan Gamm

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Mistresses can be very difficult to get rid of after the novelty of the grand passion has worn off. The initial mutual attraction is always tarnished by time and familiarity and tedium eventually sets in with all the inevitable and unpleasant side effects.

Men have proved themselves in general to be less than intelligent when trying to deal with extricating themselves from an unwanted relationship. Often it is better to lay your cards on the table and state, as tactfully but plainly as possible, that you want out. Sometimes, this formula works, but sometimes the business like and forthright attitude offends the other party and makes her feel like a discarded slipper.

A favourite get out method seems to be to ignore the situation, hoping it will go away by itself. Discarded mistresses rarely have a sense of humour when it comes to being off loaded like last year's Porsche so this system of terminating an affair is not to be recommended. Better to face the music now rather than try to deal with a crescendo later on. Another disadvantage to this method is that the lady has the long periods of your silence in which to plot mischief and revenge and you can hardly blame her when she is being treated so shabbily by the prince of her dreams.

An expensive parting gift is always a good way forward in these situations. Better to avoid a gift with romantic implications but something thoughtful which shows how much you have appreciated the lady's affections. I suggest the gift should be expensive not to appeal to the lady's grasping nature but to limit the possibility of it being thrown, in any direction but more particularly at the donor.

The amount of sensitivity shown at these times should certainly be appropriate to the number of weeks/months/years of association. It hardly seems fair after twenty years extra marital harmony to be sent down the road with a measly diamond bracelet and a golden handshake. It also seems deeply unfair that when a marriage breaks up, wifey-poo gets half the house, the car, the business etc, while a mistress who has provided acres more love and respect gets nothing but a small gift of acknowledgement and the knowing smiles of all the friends who told her he would never leave his wife.

The nightmare of men since time began is, of course, the mistress who steadfastly refuses to leave no matter what. In these circumstances men are rarely able to see the dilemma in its true perspective, fearing for their own domestic security and often regretting their foolishness. The truth is of course that most often the mistress is genuinely in love, believes herself to be shoddily treated by the man and hopes he will change his mind over time. In the process of hanging on, hoping for a change of heart, she damages irreparably her chances of being able to leave the relationship in a dignified manner. Such ladies always regret their clinging behaviour later on, wishing they had walked away with some pride.

One lady who was determined to return all the gifts her lover had bestowed on her over some years, had to hire a furniture delivery vehicle to accommodate them all and later bitterly regretted causing such a humiliating spectacle when the man's wife had to sign for hundreds of unwanted items. She said she felt tainted by the ensuing fall out and now wishes she had spent a few weeks cooling down before committing herself to such a drastic gesture.

Time is the secret of recovery of course. The age of the persons involved is also a factor to be considered. An older mistress is far more likely to be heartbroken when the relationship ends than her younger counterpart.

Perhaps the best policy is not to play around in the first place.

Jan Gamm writes reflections on life with an emphasis on world travel. She has lived in many countries and traveled extensively in the Far East, the Middle East, America, South America and throughout the South Pacific. She writes for fun and for money whenever she can manage it.


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