8 Things I Learned from the Date that Never Ended

Matthew Robert Payne

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1. I learned that my weaknesses were shown up with a love in my life

I had one reader of my articles write to me today and she wrote in her letter at the end, In looking I am uplifted and encouraged by your brilliant, beautiful and confident nature. I admire you and what you are doing. Thank you for being who you are. I look forward to hearing all your beautiful testimonies and stories. I am encouraged and blessed.

She calls me brilliant, confident and beautiful. These are three things I am not sure my wife saw in me. She met a man that was not very confident and who was a little down on himself and was not the best man she could have married. In time I have got better, but my wife brought out the worst in me.

It’s a sad fact that with someone we love they seem to bring out both the good and the bad that lurks within us. I regret some of the things I did in my marriage and I have no problem accepting my wife went looking for another husband before she left me.

Today I must sound a little more confident. Fourteen years since my wife left me have done me well, but I have to say I still have faults when get you get close to me and this compliment although it could be true, might not be the whole story.

2. I learned that I get angry when I don’t get my own way

One thing I learned in a marriage with a sweet girl that was only 18 to 20 when we were married ( yeah way to young to be married, but no to young to be a mother) was that I had a nasty habit of getting angry when I didn’t get my way.

I still get upset when I don’t get my way. This is inherent selfishness and it is not the sort of character that should fit the character of a born again Christian. Over the years I have become better at this, but sometimes I do a check on myself and why I am upset and often it’s because I am not getting my own way.

I have a controlling and manipulating sort of nature. I like to be in control. Of course this comes up against Jesus when He wants me to do something different to what I want to do.

Today I am clear that my nature came in conflict with my ex wife as she had the same character and two controllers often both can’t get their way if they are opposing.

3 I learned that I can be funny when I am under stress

It’s quite funny, but sometimes I get under so much stress that I just break down in a fit of laughter. My wife Sharryn saw this happen quite a bit. It used to frustrate her in the middle of an argument that I could begin to laugh. At first she would think I am laughing at her until I explained while I was laughing. Sometimes we would both be laughing so hard we would end up embracing each other and I would have given up my side and given in to her will on a matter.

It’s a funny habit that when I am under a lot of pressure I sometimes laugh. In times where I have been in trouble with my father or a teacher at school I have found myself and deeper water when I have started to laugh with all the pressure. They assume that I think what I did wrong is funny and they don’t get to happy with my outburst.

I still laugh under pressure today.

4. I learned that I love to give and receive massages.

On a lighter note I learned in my marriage that I loved to massage someone that I loved. I love massage and I love to please and my wife loved them as much as me. We used to do each other and swap after about 20 minutes. Sometimes my wife didn’t feel like swapping she just wanted one of her own and I enjoyed the pleasure in gave her and I was always happy to do it.

Today I sometimes treat myself to a massage off a professional; sometimes they put me to sleep if they are good. It was always good to get one off my wife for free though and often we would fall into each others arms afterward.

5. I learned that I am not always right

My wife was very good at telling me I was wrong. She wasn’t bitchy about it, she just had this little sharp tenacity about her. She was bold and she used to call me when she thought I was wrong.

Last week at church I was called by a young lad who doubted me on a vision that I had. She is only in her early twenties and I am forty, but she had the same spark as my wife. She challenged me to find scriptures that would back up my vision. I went home and spent time looking for the scriptures.

She’s a smart, pretty girl that has the courage to challenge me. Now I like that quality she has.

We all need people to challenge us or we can be such prideful people speaking heresies like me, I say with a big smile on my face.

Yes my wife liked to challenge me. And sometimes it made me dig deeper so that I could show her the truth. In these times she learned. And when I was wrong I learned that I was wrong and I went on not being wrong in that area any more.

6. I learned that spending money is fun

You know I am a funny person, I like paying bills. I like the idea of taking three bills and two weeks income paying them all and knowing that two of them won’t be back again for three months. I love getting bills paid.

And I love spending money. My wife loved spending money and while we were married we just seem to spend a lot of money going out and buying things. We didn’t have much to show for our three year marriage. I know my wife smoked a lot of smokes in that time and two weeks worth of disposable diapers chewed up a lot of money. I used to grimace at two weeks worth of smokes and two weeks worth of diapers going through the checkout. Sometimes I was little chuffed I’ll have to admit.

I wished my wife could give up smoking and when she left me she gave up. I have to laugh at least her leaving me took some stress out of her life and her next husband never had to have the smokes to pay for!

I’m such a jerk aren’t I?

This is hard to write this article, going back and finding my faults.

I still spend money very two weeks and have one week short of money per fortnight. It’s part of being Bipolar I think.

7. I learned it’s good to be close to your wives girlfriend Being close to my wive’s best friend bore a lot of fruit. I was able to see what she thought of things I wanted to do with my wife and decisions and she was good at helping my wife see my point of view.

I miss Christine who was my wives best friend. Besides how I miss my wife and my son, I have to say losing touch with her friend brings me much pain. Christine was a good friend of mine and I am sad she is gone.

When my marriage broke up I told her I wanted my wife back and she told me my wife had played up five times that she knew of while we were married. I was shocked at this revelation and she told me I really didn’t want my wife back as she was clearly looking for someone else.

I have to thank Christine for that. I loved Christine for a lot of things. She was a good friend and really loved me.

If you’re a guy reading this, make it a point of being close to your future wives friends. Not too close as many affairs start like that, but you know what I mean guys.

And ladies try and get close to your husband’s friends. There is a lot of benefit in it.

8. I learned that it’s not a good thing to let the sun go down on an argument

In my marriage I had my share of arguments. Many times they were over by the time I went to bed but sometimes they weren’t. All of these added up to a divorce in my wives eyes and who can blame her?

The Bible says not to let the sun go down on an argument. It’s wise advice. Things should be cut out and dealt with as soon as possible. People thinking over harsh words spoken without a makeup causes friction in a relationship and when there is too much it ends in a couple splitting up.

I hope that this short article has helped you. I hope you can see that I wasn’t the best husband but I am learning how bad I was and that at least one person who reads my articles seems to think I am great. Feel free to leave a comment or to email me too!

Love Matthew

Matthew fellowships in a Salvation Army church and has preached on a number of occasions. He is being trained up by the Lord to be a gifted teacher and writes new articles each week here on this site. He is Pentecostal in his giftings and yet comes from a traditional Baptist background and is open to addressing any church in Australia that would like him to preach or share with their congregation.

Matthew is the author of a new book called The Musings of a Mad Prophet which is a collection of articles on mental illness, divorce and many helpful Christian subjects. He shares his life, his breakdowns, his marriage collapse and many helpful insights in a large format 264 page book. He will encourage you, inspire you and the Holy Spirit might convict you in his writings and would be happy to hear from you via email. His book is available from here .

Read what one reviewer has said in articles reviewed for “The Musings of Mad Prophet"and you can email him at http://www.online-prayer.net


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