The beginning of the phone conversation is a big step in a relationship that has evolved online. Where as you can focus your attention on several things when you are email or even instant messaging a woman, when you are on the phone with a woman, the focus has to be totally on her and the conversation at hand. Because of this focus, the phone conversation can be very tricky. An awkward silence can kill things quickly and is very noticeable to both you and her. You can avoid awkward silences and phone arguments if you just stick to a few rules.
Rule #1: There are several topics that during initial phone conversations should be avoided all together, and lets face it, these go for in- person meetings as well. Avoid politics, religion, controversial topics like abortion or stem cell research, or anything else that around a normal dinner table could cause some hard feelings and angry good byes. For beginning conversations it is simply best to keep conversation light just for the sake of keeping the peace while feelings are beginning to develop.
Rule#2: Do not confuse this woman with another. When you are chatting online you can easily pull up her profile and reference things that she put down or the emails she has written you and because you are chatting through print, any lag time can be explained away as your slow typing skills. In phone conversations you do not get to have this luxury. You might think about jotting down some notes from her previous emails, or some of the things that caught your eye on her profile that you know you can hang in a conversation about. If she put down that she loves to read don’t talk about your love of reading if the last book you read had characters by the names of Dick and Jane. You want to keep up in the conversation. If neither of you share any interests you can always think about the things that you have discussed online and pull topics of conversation from there, but if things are difficult and struggling during your first few conversations then you might want to consider looking some more.
Rule #3: Do not go into a conversation blind. That is to say that you should not go into a conversation without knowing about the person you are talking to. You may not know a whole lot, but something is better than nothing, and that something that you do remember can serve as topics for discussion if you run out of things to say. If you notice that the conversation is severely lacking and dragging along, don’t be afraid to end the conversation. Too many awkward silences can really kill your chances of things progression so if you feel like you really have to push for things to go forward, then give up and try again later. If you have too many conversations in which the silence is doing a majority of the talking, then maybe you need to find someone new to talk to.
Rule #4: This rule is in a category its own, because so many men make this awful entire mistake. DO NOT; I repeat, DO NOT SPEAK OF PAST RELATIONSHIPS, especially in the first few conversations. IF the woman asks you can give a short answer but please do not elaborate on how the crazy b*tch stole your money and your dog and is now living with your brother, who the dog likes better anyway. Even if you hate your ex, this is not the point in time to express that seething hatred. A woman that hears you speak ugly of another woman, no matter how deserved it is, will assume you are a backstabbing jerk and you will ruin your chances almost immediately. Also, do not ask about the woman’s past relationships either. They are over, that is all you need to know, don’t push the issue until you are in an actual relationship where it is ok to talk about those things
Chet Rowland is the author of several courses and dvds on online dating for men. For more information and a free course on meeting women visit http://www.chetsdatingsystem.com