During the divorce process, you can feel like a victim. Your living situation, your relationship with your children, and the role you played as a spouse are all being threatened. You may have based much of your identity on these factors. Therefore, this victimization can cut to the core. You do not have to be a victim.
Ending that feeling of victimization is important. You need to feel empowered in order to make good decisions and stand up for yourself. You need to be the one who makes the key decisions, not your lawyer, mediator, spouse, judge, therapist, friend, minister, mother, or child. Only you know what is best for you.
In the long run, though, if you take control of your divorce, you will end up with a more satisfactory resolution of the issues in your divorce. You will save time and money. Taking control of your divorce can affect the relationship you have with your spouse.
You will have a more productive and business-like relationship with your former spouse after the divorce. On the contrary, if you allow your spouse to make decisions for you during the divorce proceedings, your spouse may feel entitled to continue to control your life after the divorce.
Taking control over your divorce does not mean that you cut off communication with your spouse. You may not want to talk to your spouse. One of the main reasons you're getting a divorce is a problem in your relationship with your spouse. But, talking and negotiating with your spouse will limit the time and money spent during the divorce.
When negotiating with your spouse, remember what your priorities are. If you have a clear goal for the settlement when approaching negotiations, it will help negotiations be more productive and you are more likely to be satisfied with the outcomes.
Gather information voraciously about divorce laws and how they might affect you. Taking control over your divorce does not mean ignoring advice from your lawyer. Your lawyer is a professional. A divorce attorney is trained to represent your interests in court, and you want to be attentive to the suggestions he or she makes.
Remember, though, that this is your divorce, not your lawyer's. Listen to his or her advice, but feel free not to follow it. If you feel your lawyer has lost sight of your goals for the settlement, remind them of what you need. Perhaps, your lawyer feels that your goal for settlement is unrealistic. You may have to alter your plans a little if your desired settlement is in all reality unreasonable, but you should be content with the settlement in the end.
Moses Wright is a webmaster of Divorce Papers . More information on A Divorce With Children and Divorce And Money Issues can be found on his website. You are welcome to reprint this article if you keep the Content and live link intact.