How to Help A Relationship Develop

Alisa Chagnon

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Some men go through three main phases before entering into a serious relationship. The first phase is infatuation, this being the time when the man is enthralled at the idea of finding a woman and is in a state of bliss at the prospect of spending time together. The second phase involves his thought process in which he is deciding whether he is truly ready for a serious relationship. This phase can prove to be most perplexing and misinterpreted if a woman does not understand the complexity of this phase. If a woman can understand phase two, she can then take steps, allowing the relationship to transgress naturally into phase three. Phase three, of course, is a strong, solid and committed relationship.

When the thrill of meeting someone new is dwindling and it appears that it is time to take a step in the direction of a more serious relationship, some men panic. Although they may desire a secure, safe and loving relationship, at some point a man can begin to display puzzling behavior. . If a woman is in a relationship and the man is in this phase, it is extremely important to be aware of the warning signs and then learn what can be done to aid in his comfort of accepting a serious, committed relationship.

In phase two, a man is weighing his options. He is questioning his ability to hold his end in a relationship, his capability of keeping a woman happy, and his desire or lack thereof for a committed relationship. A man requires some space while he is deciding and if not given this, he can easily be scared off. If a woman is yearning to move forward, it is important to take measures so the man does not feel “suffocated”. A man will appear to be “backing off” a bit and a woman can misinterpret this incorrectly, causing more problems.

The main sign that a man is in this phase is rather clear. He is keeping more distance in the relationship. He may call you several hours late. He may not be at his home when he said he would be. He may be vague when questioned. Arguments may result as a woman is feeling rejected and the man is feeling pressured. .

The most common mistake that a woman may make is asking a man too many questions. When a man appears to be backing away, if he does not talk as much as before and does not want to spend as much time together, a woman will begin to question him. The majority of women assume that he has become uninterested or that he is perhaps seeing another woman. The woman will then begin to question the man’s every move.

When persistently questioned, a man may take a defensive position. While it is understood that a woman has a natural curiosity to know what her partner is doing, if she barrages him with questions, it does nothing to remedy the situation. The man will feel there are too many demands on him and it will in turn increase his fear of commitment.

Take for example; if the man does not arrive immediately home from work, he is perhaps one or two hours late. The woman will begin to ask questions, such as , “Where were you?”, “Why didn’t you call me?”, and “What exactly were you doing?” While in his state of needing space, the man will inevitably begin to resent the questioning and may not answer honestly. He will feel that the woman is overbearing and overpowering him with a barrage of questions.

When inundated with questions, the man may then keep adding on false statements in a way to deflect his feeling that the woman is controlling. In many cases, this will lead to an argument. The man is upset that he of being questioned; the woman is upset that the man is not answering as she wishes. This can be avoided, if a woman realizes that if she asks a man a question that he does not wish to answer, asking again will not produce any satisfactory results. If a man chooses to keep some space, no amount of questioning will force him to answer as a woman desires. If a woman requests the man to have a perfectly logical and satisfactory answer, she may question him repeatedly attempting to make the man give what she perceives as the correct answer. He never will. If he is feeling pressured, and wishes to hide some of his activities, he will do it. A woman should realize that she cannot change a man and his decision to enter into a serious relationship is one he must make on his own.

A woman should not be inquisitive about a man’s every move. If the woman uses sound judgment and only asks important, relevant questions, she can help defuse the man’s feeling of pressure. Once the man feels he has freedom, he will feel free to choose to enter into a relationship. A man will most probably not enter into a relationship with a woman that he perceives will be continuously questioning his every move and appearing to force a relationship. It is not suggested that a woman ought to remain in a situation in which she is receiving mistreatment. A man should show caring, kindness and compassion. If the man is displaying quality signs of an excellent companion and the woman simply gives him some freedom, the result may be a fantastic committed relationship.

Written by Alisa Chagnon, webmaster and author of Love Bulletin - Love Bulletin is a free and complete women's online magazine. Updated daily with articles, guidelines and checklists. Romance, relationship, marriage and breakup advice. Readers have the opportunity to change contents with Fill-in-the-Blanks and daily Q&A.


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