Relationship: Commitment Errors


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COMMITMENT: A ten letter word consisting of 3 vowels and 7 consonants; a word that symbolises union, loyalty, monogamy, togetherness, love, mutual respect and perhaps all those priceless sentiments which we hold in such high esteem. It's a word almost always associated with marriage; a word that means so much in theory. Yet in practice is so more often than not reduced to a mere string of alphabetical letters.

Marriages today are crumbling for lack of commitment. So why get married in the first place if you have no intention of being loyal? Most ‘contemporary’ women, it seems, have tuned into ‘Desperate Housewives’. The infamous line of “It meant nothing. It was just sex’ being the buzz. Yes, times are hard, there is too much temptation, we are only human, and we all make mistakes. But there are some who actually think it's OK to sleep around because it really is just sex. At the end of the day, they are going home to their to their partner; they are providing for their partner, they are ‘committed’ to their partner. So what's the bid deal?

The irony is it is a big deal. Because commitment is clearly no longer what it used to be, the word has developed a whole new meaning. It's rarely about being together in sickness and health, for richer or poorer etc. Today, it's about selfish needs. Marriage now rests on ‘convenience’.

Confusing the C word. . .

Mention the ‘C’ word and you are bound to get varied responses. A sexy bombshell, who has been in a couple of high-profile romance says, “It means everything to me. " while her equally sexy sister says, “It's just become a word". Another heartthrob candidly confesses that six months ago, he would have been working his charm on the ladies but today, he is in a serious relationship and doesn't want to break his sweetheart's trust, especially since his track record sucks!

A young hottie sincerely feels ‘he can keep love and sex separate’. He believes that he can never ever love another, yet he has faltered on occasions simply for physical reasons. He calls it ‘A momentary flirtation’. His lifelong “commitment" is to only one lady. What does this prove? Utter confusion and a warped sense of values!

Totally committed. . .

But fear not, for there is hope yet. Nick and Christopher, a married couple, says you can never go wrong if you marry your best friend. They would never abuse each other's trust. Jonathan, who has been married for three years, explains although there is temptation, he wouldn't cheat on his partner simply because of his faith in God and respect for his partner. Jim can't bear the thought of his wife cheating on him. Is he tempted? No, because the mere thought of her leaving him along with the kids, if he ever faltered, is worse than death!

Commitment phobia. . .

There are others who are afraid of ‘settling down’. Steve, 40, remains a bachelor because he is not ready to settle down. He is an incredible man who has the distinction of being friends with every single one of his ex-girlfriends, simply because he has never lied to them about ‘commitment’. Today, the ‘C’ word has multiple meanings. One only hoped it wouldn't equate to multiple partners!

Expert Speak

Why people stay in a relationship or a marriage?

A relationship depends on how one views it. When married, it becomes a special investment, which also has religious connotations. Being with a person for a long period of time gives rise to emotions like affection and love. So people are compromise at the sake of their values. Also, a sense of security comes into play. But selfish motives can also allow a person to stick around for functional purposes.

Why are people scared of making a commitment?

People scared of committing usually suffer from some deep-seated emotional problems. A basic sense of insecurity could also lead to a situation wherein a partner is not willing to commit. While you can't say whether its men or women who are less likely to commit, the most obvious reason as to why people are scared to commit is the lack of mutual trust.

About the Author:

Michael Douglas is a relationship expert, marriage counseler and nationally certified family therapist who is committed to help people discover the secrets to building healthy and successful relationship . Currently, he provides an insightful commentary on various relationship issues and problems at his website Here you an also find free dating tips and hints to make your online dating a wonderful and memorable experience life long.


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