Deity Passes Over Kansas and Nebraska This Year - New Religion on How to Avoid Smiting Breaks Out

Dennis Diehl

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Well, the people of Nebraska and Kansas must finally be towing the line. . . and we are all going to see the benefits!

LINCOLN, Neb. - Meteorologists at the National Weather Service office in Hastings are feeling lucky this year.

The 30-county area they serve in central Nebraska and north-central Kansas hasn't had a confirmed tornado for the first six months of this year. That hasn't happened since 1950

"It's quite unusual, " said Steve Kisner, warning coordination meteorologist in the Hastings office. “We're glad Mother Nature is keeping everybody safe - again showing the unpredictability of the weather. "

Between five and 10 tornadoes usually hit the office's coverage area between Jan. 1 and June 30, Kisner said.

Tornadoes are especially common in the 30-county area because they are in the northern part of Tornado Alley, a tornado-prone region stretching from West Texas to North Dakota.

It's not often that God lets such a large area off the “To Be Smitten" list, but dang if Kansas and Nebraska have not won the “We Finally Get the Point" award! Congratulations!

Obviously we need to find out just what it is that these two states have finally done as a people to qualify for not being smitten for their sins this year. Now please understand, the not to be smitten list is a yearly thing and all locations on earth are evaluated on a yearly basis. Just because you got off the hook this year, does not mean you will spared next year. But for now, you did good and we expect that one year of NOT being smitten by the Deity will prove to be a real turning point in human history and theology.

Striking while the iron is hot, missionaries are spreading out from Kansas and Nebraska to all parts of the globe and sharing just exactly what it was they did right to not be smitten by the Deity, as so many, if not most others places on the planet are continuing to be. One contingent has gone to New Orleans with the good news and many are heading to the Gulf Coast in general with the hopes of thwarting the now up and running hurricane season. Insurance companies are footing the bill for the NeKansasians, as the new religion they will spread is now being called by the hopeful masses. A major group from Kansas City is heading to Iraq wearing protective, bullet and bomb proof Depleted Uranium suits in place of robes, just to be safe. Word is out already that these Nekansasians have already been nicknamed DU.des. It has been reported some of the first teachings of the new group have already been written. One is “DU NOT unto others as you have seen them DU it unto you, " and “DU not be afraid, I have overcome the world. " Stuff like that. This is theological history in the making! DU believe in miracles? Man DU we! Pass the plate. . . I believe!

Reports of an even larger group of NeKansasians heading to Gaza are coming in. A small group did attempt to go Israel , but was turned away and threatened with extinction if they did not provide free copies of the Wizard of Oz to all members of the government. There is currently a stand off over this issue and the Nekansasians are asking politely that Israel return Dorothy's red shoes which were taken years ago in a raid on Nebraska that went virtually reported in the news. Israel said they did not respond well to such demands on them and had the Nekansasians needed to understand that Israel was quite comfortable with it's role in smiting the nations around them. After being threatened with being kidnapped and imprisoned, the Arch Angel Gabriel intervened and translated the Nekansasians in Chariots of Fire to North Korea for talks with He Flung Dung, head of North Korea's small public relations firm.

The Nekansasians are being greeted as saviors in Gaza and studies on how not to be smitten are springing up all over Gaza. . .in fact, all over the world as tired smitees yearn to learn just what it will take to get the Deity off their case. Gaza is a particularly difficult problem because the Deity is using actual humans, just like Palestinians claim to be, to do the smitting. Althought the Nekansasians are only used to being directly smitten by the Deity Himself, they are familiar with the how the Deity used his chosen ones to smite the nations around them in the Old Testament. The Nekansasian Father's assured those in Gaza this will not be a part of their theology and love is in the air.

So stay tuned for more on this late breaking and incredible news. Once again, neither Nebraska nor Kansas have been smitten by the Deity even once this year and as a result a new religion has broken out and is spreading around the world as Nekansasians, as they are now being called, teach the world to sing and avoid being smitten oft for their transgressions from on high.


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