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Oh, My Aching Backbone!

 


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Here is one of those SAT-type questions:

Pick the one that does not belong in the following list:

1. The Snail Darter
2. The Spotted Owl
3. General Motors
4. Small business

Of course, the answer is number four. There is no evidence that the federal government gives a hoot in hell if small business becomes extinct. (If you thought the answer was number two because none of the others taste good with a nice lemon butter sauce, you were incorrect, but I like the way you think. )

We hear it all of the time, “small business is the backbone of America's economy. " Could somebody recommend a good orthopedist? I think our back is broken. I also think I know who broke it. It's the same ones who aren't helping out, now. Small business is the backbone of the economy in the same way the jackass was the backbone of mining in the gold rush. The idea being, “let them carry the load and beat them when they refuse to carry any more. "

Small business today could be defined as, “any business enterprise, from startup until the point where they become too important to fail. . . or make a tidy PAC donation. " We really can't blame our political class if they are unable to keep up with those of us who don't have enough left after taxes and feeding our families to contribute to their delinquency. They don't hate us. They don't even know who we are. How could they? We never wrote them a check as a reference.

So, where are we right now? They gave billions of our worthless dollars to AIG. That was a great party. They deficit-funded Wall Street's prodigal sons. Isn't it nice to see our 401k's reaching for the stars? They got the whole country caught up in a Ponzi scheme that makes Bernie Madoff look like the three-card Monty guy on the street corner. If Diogenes were looking for an honest man in business, government or God forbid, in their carnival barkers, the media, that lamp would have burned out by now, if he didn't use the flame to incinerate himself.

Over here, Diogenes. . . The honest person in business is the small business person. You can tell by the whip marks on his back and the fingerprints around her neck. If, as our parents taught us, “honesty is the best policy" then maybe we are lucky that the feds haven't tried to help out. It may be our only hope. After all, what do politicians know about backbone?

Jim Vann is a humorist and author of the book, “Who Died. . . and Left You in Charge?" available at http://www.trafford.com

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