All of us are inspired when we hear stories of BELIEF in the face of DOUBT. Movies like “The Pursuit Of Happyness", “Rudy" and “Hoosiers" all come to mind. The characters in each respective flick are repeatedly told that they would or even SHOULD fail, yet their sheer will and determination carries them to wildly successful victory against all odds. And it's human nature for us to LOVE these movies.
So why, then, is it also human nature for us to do the EXACT OPPOSITE when is comes to our dating lives? Why do we so often DOUBT in the face of BELIEF when it comes to approaching the opposite sex? I mean, realistically speaking, the symptoms of this disorder often extend even into first dates, second dates and possibly even into 50 year marriages.
Here's a case in point.
This week I was engaged in a discussion about online dating involving the finer points of sending emails to women. While common wisdom suggests that a first email that goes unreturned signals disinterest, I happen to believe that the very most popular women online are often so inundated with messages that they often will respond ONLY to second attempts at contact. Such women are wise to “cut/paste" first emails from lazy, unimaginative men and therefore want to know who is REALLY interested enough to make a real effort. While “always" is a precarious term to use when dealing with real people, my personal “field testing" has shown that women will respond to a well-placed and effectively written second email well over 50% of the time.
My friend vehemently disagreed and said he refuses to send second emails to women. After all, he's got “proof" it doesn't work. He proceeded to pull up an email from one woman who responded to a second email with, “Don't you get it? ‘No answer’ means ‘NO INTEREST'!"
ONE EMAIL from ONE WOMAN had such a profound impact on my friend that it shaped his ENTIRE OPINION on the matter. Are you kidding me?
Never mind the fact that I could pull up probably fifty or so positive responses from second emails from my own personal online dating “files". And never mind also that yes…I too had a few emails sent back to me that read similarly to his.
What this all comes down to is that we as humans “tree hug" our limiting beliefs at time to a point where all reason goes out the window. Simply put, when certain among us feel like believing something to be true we only need a SINGLE SHRED OF EVIDENCE in order to pronounce it so. Consider the following example of “Y" approaching “X":
Y: “Hello, my name is Mike, what's yours?"
X: “Uh…my name is UNAVAILABLE, dork. Now get outta my face. No woman could possibly want a total loser like you!"
X then proceeds to shy away from approaching another woman all night (or all year…or all decade). Why? After this brutal deal, his self-esteem is “shattered" and he himself believes what he has just been told…by ONE person. Conversely, however, had the woman responded in a powerfully positive way, Mike may have been left thinking, “I'm INVINCIBLE…all women LOVE me!"
Either way, logical fallacy is at play here. There is almost never any valid way to pronounce absolute truth upon a variable situation based on a single event.
"ABC airlines crashed last year. Therefore I'm never flying ABC airlines because they always crash!"
"My very first date after the divorce was a disaster. I'm through with dating. "
"My last girlfriend proved to by psychotic. All women are crazy!"
"The last guy I went out with couldn't keep his paws off of me. All men are dogs!"
While it's perfectly natural for a bad experience here and there to “harsh our buzz", the most poignant aspect of this issue surrounds the fact that some people can even be repeatedly presented with a steady stream of evidence to the CONTRARY of the negative beliefs they happen to hold…and STILL not snap out of it. For example, I can't tell you how many beautiful women I went out with who viewed themselves as “ugly" and/or “worthless". Why? Well, of course, that's the last thing their ex-husbands told them before leaving. Meanwhile, such women were typically busy at the same time turning heads so fast that men were getting whiplash.
Perhaps this topic has hit home for many of you. What are your own limiting beliefs that are restricting you from a wildly successful dating life? More importantly, how did those limiting beliefs get there? If you take an honest look at the problem you are likely to find that the opinion of a very small minority has shaped your thoughts. If so, why is it you are more comfortable with limitation than with empowerment? Begin to see yourself as others truly see you and lose the “logical fallacies". This is absolutely prerequisite to deserving what you want.
Scot McKay's dating strategies for those who refuse to settle for anything less than the ULTIMATE relationship are found at: http://www.relationship-advice.us/ Stop by right now and grab a FREE e-book ($20 value) when you sign up for the X & Y Communications Newsletter, which is always packed with unique and practical dating tips.